Is the week over yet?! T_T

We got yet another boss at work... this one is Joe... yes, we already had one Joe, but this one isn't nearly as uptight.... He's kind of a cross between Shane & Justin, which isn't so much a good thing... Now, I was getting along with this Joe fairly well.. I was even half-suspecting he was flirting with me... then he heard me talking to Chris about my interviewing for the Activities Assistant job - which would be nice b/c it's still at the same facility, more hours, full time with benefits & all at $8/hour... so, Joe hears me mentioning this to Chris & he starts acting ????s & the last couple days he's just been a little prick, making me wanna stick a fork between his eyes.... >_<

And we got these new chemicals at work.. they feed directly into the water system for the washing machines.... the stuff is made of oxygen... but the smell it gives off... it doesn't really smell bad, but the scent is so strong I had a headache all day long at work today.. and I can hardly stand to sort the barrels coz the whole room smells so strong... and the clothes coming outta the washers just choke me... my throat is still killing me & I got off work at 3:30 this afternoon....

I need to go to bed & maybe it'll be better tomorrow... wait, I work with Anna this weekend. O.o Nevermind, then... no hope of it getting any better.......

Not in Our Name

"No election, whether fair or fraudulent, can legitimize criminal wars on foreign countries,

torture, the wholesale violation of human rights, and the end of science and reason."



Over the next week, the Not In Our Name statement will carry out an audacious project to puncture

the whole shameful celebration of war, greed, and intolerance that will surround the second

inauguration of the Bush regime.



Our aim is to publish across the nation a NEW statement of conscience (text below), signed by this

nation's recognized voices of conscience. Bush does not speak for us. He does not represent us. He

does not act in our name. And the whole world needs to hear that.



We want this statement to ring throughout all forms of media, and reach every part of the country.

In this country, free speech is very expensive. But think what a difference it will make if tens

of thousands of us contribute, and a few who are able contribute tens of thousands.



We have but four days left to raise the necessary funds. If you would like to see this statement

in the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, San Francisco Chronicle and many others

large and small, then you need to go to Not In Our Name statement web site at www.nion.us, sign this

statement, and make your on-line contribution.



Together we can make this happen!



* * *



Not In Our Name



George W. Bush is about to be inaugurated for a second term as President of the United States. Let

it not be said that the people in the United States silently acquiesced in the face of this

shameful coronation of war, greed, and intolerance. He does not speak for us. He does not represent us.

He does not act in our name.



No election, whether fair or fraudulent, can legitimize criminal wars on foreign countries,

torture, the wholesale violation of human rights, and the end of science and reason.



In our name, the Bush government claims to justify the invasion and occupation of Iraq on baldly

false pretenses, raining down unspeakable destruction, horror, misery and death to as many as

100,000 people. It destroys entire cities in the name of so-called democratic elections, while

intimidating and disenfranchising tens of thousands of African-American voters at home. It holds an entire

nation hostage, forcing on its people torture, hunger, and unimaginable privation and humiliation.



In our name, it holds in contempt both international law and world opinion. It has carried out

torture and detentions without trial all over the world and proposes new assaults on our rights of

privacy, speech and assembly. It has already stripped the rights of Arabs, Muslims and South Asians

in the US, denying them legal counsel, holding them without cause, stigmatizing, and deporting

tens of thousands.



Could we have imagined a few years ago that core principles such as the separation of church and

state, due process, presumption of innocence, freedom of speech, and habeas corpus would be

discarded so easily? But under this government anyone can be declared an "enemy combatant" by

Presidential decree with no meaningful redress or independent review, by a President whose rationale for

concentrating power in the executive branch is "trust me." Its choice for Attorney General is the

legal architect of torture from Guantanamo to Afghanistan to Abu Ghraib.



As terrifying "trial balloons" are floated about invasions of Syria, or Iran, or North Korea,

about leaving the United Nations, about new "lifetime detention" policies, there is no telling what

further crimes this government will commit in our name against nations or individuals deemed to

stand in the way of its goal of unquestioned world supremacy.



The Bush government seeks to impose a narrow, intolerant, and political form of Christian

Fundamentalism as government policy. We must face the fact that this extremist movement is no longer on

the margins of society. It aims to strip women of their reproductive rights, to drive gay people

from public life back into the closet. It seeks to drive a wedge between spiritual experience and

scientific truth, smugly denying thousands of years of human scientific achievement.



We believe all people must be free to find meaning and sustenance in whatever form of religious or

spiritual belief they choose. But we will not surrender our right to think to extremists and the

President in whom they have their strongest ally. The Grand Canyon was not created by a biblical

flood. Women are not human incubators. Breast cancer is not retribution for having an abortion. AIDS

is not a punishment from God. Evolution happened. Religion can never be compulsory. This

government may claim to make its own reality, but we will not allow it to make ours.



Millions of us worked, talked, marched, poll watched, contributed, voted, did everything we could

to defeat the Bush regime in the last election. It was a massive effort, bringing forth new

energy, new organization, and new commitment to struggle for justice. It would be a terrible mistake to

let our failure to stop Bush in this way lead to despair and inaction. On the contrary, this broad

mobilization of people committed to a fairer world, a freer world, a more peaceful world must move

forward. We cannot, we will not, wait until 2008. The fight against the second Bush regime has to

start now.



The movement against the war in Vietnam never won a presidential election. But it blocked troop

trains, closed induction centers, marched, spoke to people door to door -- and it helped to stop a

war. The Civil Rights Movement never tied its star to a presidential candidate; it sat in, freedom

rode, fought legal battles, filled jailhouses -- and it changed the face of a nation.



We must change the political reality of this country by mobilizing the tens of millions who know

in their heads and hearts that the Bush regime's "reality" is nothing but a nightmare for humanity.

This will require courage and creativity, mass actions and individual moments of courage. We must

come together whenever we can, and we must act alone whenever we have to. This will require

extraordinary acts from ordinary people.



We give our love and support to the soldiers who have refused to fight in this immoral war, and we

pledge to create community that backs courageous acts of resistance. We applaud the librarians who

have refused to turn over lists of our reading, the high school students who demand to be taught

evolution, those who brought to light torture by the U.S. military, and the massive protests that

voiced international opposition to the war on Iraq. We stand with the tens of millions of people

throughout the world who fight every day for the right to create their own future.



It is our duty to stop the Bush regime from carrying out this disastrous course. We believe

history will judge us sharply should we fail to act decisively.





Among the initial signers are:



Janet Abu-Lughod, professor emerita, New School



Michael Albert



Edward Asner



Michael Avery, president, National Lawyers Guild



Rosalyn Baxandall, chair, American Studies/Media and Communications, State University of New York

at Old Westbury



William Blum, author, US foreign policy



Judith Butler, author and professor, University of California at Berkeley



Daniel Ellsberg, former Defense and State Department official



Jorie Graham, Harvard University



Abdeen M. Jabara, past president, American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee



C. Clark Kissinger, Refuse & Resist!



Staughton Lynd



Reynaldo F. Mac¡as, chair, National Association for Chicana & Chicano Studies



Robin Morgan, author and activist



Jill Nelson, writer



Rosalind Petchesky, Distinguished Professor of Political Science, Hunter College & the Graduate

Center - CUNY



Jeremy Pikser, screenwriter (Bulworth)



Michael Ratner, president, Center for Constitutional Rights



Matthew Rothschild, editor, The Progressive magazine



Luc Sante, writer



Naomi Wallace



Howard Zinn, historian



* * *



You may sign this statement at http://www.nion.us/READ_AND_SIGN.htm. You may also e-mail your

name, how you would like to be identified and your state of residence to sign@nion.us. (Personal

contact information will not be shared or utilized for any other purpose.)

Movie Review: Phantom of the Opera

OMG! It was positively riveting... This was a strange & wonderfull experience for me because I had to watch a taped version of the play in choir (which I believe not was not the ALW version- wHat WaS tHaT TeaChER tHiNKinG?!?!?!?) & I really didn't care for it at all, so for all these years the magic of the Phantom has been lost on me..... ;_; But I went West with my very dear friends yesterday to see it and was completely struck by it.... before we watched the movie we'd discussed catching a double feature since I so rarely get to the movies, but afterwards I had to say that would have been unfair to any other movie we may have seen... I don't know what could hold it's own against that...

Gerard Butler was seductive genius as the Phantom.. sexy, painful, tortured, beloved... enrapturing entirely... The girl who played Christine is someone I've never seen, as was the actor who played Raoul, but both were fantastic! The singing, the emotion, the pain.... many actresses cannot believably convince you of the tangle & confusion of a love like Christine has for these two men... but she was just splendid... Raoul was sweet & beautifull... I could listen to him sing all day.....

There are few movies with a love story like this where you aren't left believing the poor girl made the right or wrong choice between these two men she loved so deeply... but I cannot fault her for choosing Raoul, but I would have supported her for choosing the Phantom as well... 'Tis truly a tragic love story, as there is no way to be completely happy with either choice... this is a love that will haunt you all your life, no matter what you choose....

So long.....

Gee, aren't I the naughty little non-blogger... shame on me... pity I don't have someone to encourage or inspire me... honestly, with the mood I've been in lately I wouldn't have had anything worth reading anyhow... so it's probly better I don't blog in those sorts of moods...

Proud of me, tho, for finishing a Harry/Ron Yule fanart I drew as a gift for Dani, my very dearest bestest ever friend.... since she kept complaining Harry/Ron fanarts were impossible to find.. now if I can just get her to scan it so I can share it with the webbyworld..... >_<

Sitting here eating Xmas cookies my momma made me & wishing I had a car or the weather wasn't so lousy so that my beloved friends could come visit... or I could go visit them... man, what a month we've had round herre.. Had the power & heat shut off by the minions of Satan (otherwise known as NIPSCO) & the van finally went too far (or wouldn't go anywhere) & we scrapped it... some dude is buying the hunk of crappola for parts.. whatever... so we didn't have a very good Xmas & nobody else had much money so it was a pretty cheapo & crappy Xmas all around.. the kids enjoyed what they got & that's what really matters, right? Right?!?!?!?

Well, actually, we did get the ROTK Extended version hot off the shelves from our fabo friends.. they also gave Brian a gorgeous 43"x31" wallscroll of the girls from Final Fantasy X2 & I got a very pretty poster of the Saiyuki boys (THEY FOUND ONE WITH HOMURA *drool*) which promptly evicted Orlando from the bedroom wall.. and they bought me Gavin DeGraw's CD, so I can listen to "I Don't Wanna Be" a dozen times a day... and I discovered another song of his "Follow Through" that I'd seen a couple times on VH1 & loved! but didn't know it was him who sang it, so now I have that too.... I guess Xmas wasn't a total loss.. my parents tried very hard & my sister bought me stuff which might make me cooler- that's her thing, that's what she does... but that's ok. I got to spend the holiday with Brian & my family & that's what really matters to me. I got to watch the kids jumpin around going insane over every thing they opened...

Thank god Xmas is over.


I'm beating myself about the head with a stick trying to finish one last gift. It's an art project (of sorts) that I'm working on for a friend & I've been having just the worst time with it.. I can't seem to dredge up the happy inspiration to work on it thru the heinous mood & sinking depressiong I've been fighting with lately..... If you're reading this, I swear I will finish it... it's coming.. really.........

Issues...

whatever is the matter with me lately.. grant you, I've been thru a seriously lousy, scrappy bit of time & space the last month or so what with losing power & heat for a week then losing our van... now I hafta walk... see what I mean... all I seem to wanna do is be angry, irritated, spiteful & ranty. Frankly, I'm getting quite sick of myself... and I know it's taking a toll on Brian, bless him...

I just dunno what to do with myself, how to climb back outta my dark, chasmic bleak little cave of cranky....

Friends make a bad day better

Brian called me at work earlier today & I told him what a lousy day I'd been having.. so I said I'd like him to stay home with me tonite rather than running off to play at a friend's house.. and, of course, he agreed.

I'd been off work just a couple minutes when Dani & Frankie showed up (not really un-announced b/c they had written me an offline message saying they were coming - I just hadn't been on the compy to see this message ^_^) So here they are, just when I needed something to brighten my day.. funny how friends just know sometimes when they're needed...

I think today is going to be a good day..

despite the snow outside.. boy will Mom be irratable at dinner tonite...

Brian went off early this morning to start a job with his friend, Rex, so that will help with bills and Christmas... I am so proud of him sometimes. Yes, he can be quite the pain at times, but there are moments when I am overcome with his sweetness and caring... He sometimes reminds me of a certain Brian from a TV show I like, in that he is often harsh or rough around the edges and at times doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself (sometimes not even himself), but if you come to know him and love him you begin to understand he loves you back in his own time and in his own "Brian" way.

Yesterday I drove to Mishawaka to visit my only friends (how I wished they lived closer... and I could see them everyday).. I took a wrong turn at my exit and ended up hopelessly lost and in the wrong towne... Goddess bless the girl at the 7-11 who gave me very simple and easy directions to get back to where I was sposeta be... When I finally arrived, a bit frazzled from the trip, but happy to see my dear friends, we watched cartoons (we're such grownups LOL) then went out to "Thanksgiving" dinner at the Cracker Barrell. Since we will not be able to spend the holiday together, they took me out to dinner so our little family could have our own holiday. When they asked me after dinner what was I thankful for, I didn't even really hafta think before I said "Family and friends, and a happy home." It's funny, Mike was there and they pointed out to him that when they'd asked him he'd said he couldn't say that because it was "cheesy and stupid", I guess because that's what people on sitcoms, etc. always say on their Thanksgiving episode, but how could it be cheesy and stupid if it's the honest truth. For the first time in my life I am free of any false friendships which pin me into a little persona and people who don't truly understand me.. I am in love and can look forward to really spending the rest of my life with someone who loves me back just as much, and I am so thankfull for both.

To the outside world, Brian may seem difficult, and I suppose he is, but I have had to many false lovers and broken hearts in my life... I loved Brian from our first date because he was himself. He never pretended to be a knight in shining armour or Mr. Wonderfull, or my fantasy guy or any of that. He was just Brian, faults and all, and that's exactly what I was looking for. From day one, he has been c0mpletely himself, and I have had the freedom, for the first time ever in any relationship, to be just me. We don't have to pretend to like what the other likes, but we listen and pay attention when the other talks about it - him and his music, video games, magic cards & I will try to be interested in what he's showing me and be excited for him when he defeats that bad guy I've heard him cursing and screaming at in the other room for the last 2 days; me with my stupid cute-boy obsessions, interior decorating, scrapbooks and he lets me hang posters of Orlando Bloom on our bedroom walls, re-decorate the house with all my stupid girly stuff and bright colours, and he'll drive me to the recycling centre for more magazines and never spoil my happy craziness as I cut them up and leave paper shreds everywhere... Never once has he said "Don't you have enough of that crap?!" And I could not love him more, but yet I do everyday. To outsiders, it may seem he's spoiled because he's always got new Magic cards or a new video game or whatever and he never buys me anything, but if there's something I want, he never says I can't have it. It doesn't seem one-sided to me because I don't really want that much. When I do really want something, I get it, but mostly I just want to be here, in our lousy little apt. with him. That to me is home, and that's all I need. Just him.

And my friends.. some would consider it a lonely life to stay home all the time and only have 2 (3?) friends in world, but these are friends I've known for years, who've watched my change and grow and become someone completely different than I was when they met me and they've been there at every turn to support this new version of me, never questioning my goals or reasons, never raising a hand to hold me back where they thought I was and everything is the same and makes sense. Is it these 2 friends who've opened many experiences to me and helped me to discover new things and new aspects of myself.. It is these 2 friends who will drive an hour from Mishawaka to buy me lunch before I go to work, then drive an hour back home.... when people who I thought were my friends lived in the same towne and couldn't make time for me because of my work schedule. So very true that it is in our actions and not in our deeds that we prove who we truly are...


Yes, outside it is snowing, but for me today, it's like the fluffly frosting on my happy little corner of the world....

A few noticable additions

Hopefully no one is terribly offended by the stoopid ugly banners you see above.. they serve a useful purpose or I wouldn't subject my pretty blog to their ickness.... They are supposed to drive more viewers to my blog and get me more attention.... and I love attention....

There is also a little Site Meter thingy that upsates me on how much traffic my site gets... but if it starts to depress me when I realise I really am the only one who comes here... I may kill it.... lol

..:What's your psychological problem?:..

Apathetic. You my apathetic friend, you should care
more about your life, right?


..:What's your psychological problem?:.. ( Anime Pictures )
brought to you by Quizilla

Thou shalt not kill......

"'We kill at every step, not only in wars, riots, and executions. We kill when we close our eyes to poverty, suffering, and shame. In the same way all disrespect for life, all hard-heartedness, all indifference, all contempt is nothing else than killing. With just a little witty skepticism we can kill a good deal of the future in a young person. Life is waiting everywhere, the future is flowering everywhere, but we only see a small part of it and step on much of it with our feet.'

- Hermann Hesse, German poet and novelist.

Source: Daily Dig"

Victory and defeat

I weep for the world... the election is decided and they handed it to Bush.. I say handed it to him because I seriously doubt that he honestly won this election with as many people as he has dissappointed, offended, enraged, angered.. There's no way that the American people voted an uber-xtian, prejudice, anti-gay, pro-war president back in to run the country...

I shudder to think what will become of our country in his next four years.... and I can think of at least two Americans who'll be looking for apartments in Canada...

Birth

Birth

OMG! The trailer took forever to DL from the site (b/c I have the demonic dial-up) but it was SOOO worth waiting for!! Nicole Kidman just keeps getting better & whoever the kid is, he's gonna be a star!! I'm blown away by the trailer for this one & I WILL NOT miss it when it comes out!!!

starting over......

"One song can spark a moment
One flower can wake a dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile can bring friendship
One hand clasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame a goal
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam can light a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh can conquer doom
One step must start each prayer
One hope will raise spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what's true
One life can make a difference
You see it's up to you!

Author unknown"



I don't remember where I got that, I just know it merits sharing....

Anyways, I've decided that I'm stifled by stoopid Yahoo and their limits on Yahoo Groups. They work well for some things, but I've jsut got too damn many pics and I'm filling them up at warp speed.. so I'm gonna try working on my webpages again for the 1st time in what seems like years... it actually might be.....

We'll see how it goes...

When it rains.. it pours...

serein_03: Holy Crap!!!

the end of the world...

October 13th, 2004

As I leave the hotel in the morning, I buy something to eat on the way and I’m heading to the end of the world.

It is sunny and warm. I take a towel with me - just in case I’ll find a sandy beach to sit on…
The road to the end of the world passes through Finesterre and climbs up and up about 3 km away from the village.

On the way up, on the side of the road, gazing into the sea, hundreds of meters down - I find a girl I met before on the camino.
I join her, and we watch, for a while, the waves breaking onto the rocky shore.

The wind gets stronger, clouds are forming above us, and we choose to continue our climb up to the end of the world. On the way, we look for a path that goes down to the shore.
After a few futile tries to go down some goat’s paths, we find one that leads all the way to a huge rock in the water.
We sit silently on the rock for a long while, gazing into the turquoise water, waving to passing fishermen…

When the wind threaten to blow us into the sea and the rain starts, we climb up again - to the road that leads to the end of the world.

The end of the world turns out to be a huge cliff above the water. There’s no more land beyond it - only water.
On the top of the cliff there’s a big stone cross marking the place where, traditionally, the pilgrims that finish in Finesterre burn their walking shoes and clothes to symbolize getting rid of the past and opening to a new beginning…

I’ve heard about the ritual, but until this moment, I didn’t realize that the place is here.

I brought nothing with me to burn. Not even my green plastic lighter - to light a fire with.

I’ve participated in a few rituals like this in the past (once almost burning my house, when the ritual got too intense…). Each one of these rituals was very powerful, and I am sorry for not preparing myself for this one…

As an answer to my sorry thoughts, the rain gets stronger and the wind blows so strong, I need to hold to a rock, not to fall and roll down…
This, at least, relaxes me a bit. I realize that there’s no way I could light a fire now… so, probably it isn’t my time yet…

Instead, I stand on a rock, watching the endless sea below me, letting my hair go, and asking the wind and the rain to purify me.

I don’t know for how long I stand like this, but when I wake up from my trance - I am so cold, I can hardly move, and my hair is so messy I can hardly see.

We go down, back to Finesterre and the sky gives everything it has. It is pouring rain. The wind matures to a storm. I’m so happy again. I spread my arms, looking up to the sky, letting the rain and the wind do what they have to do…

When we get to the village we’re looking for an open café to have a cup of hot chocolate. But, it’s siësta time and everything is closed.

After a hot bath in my room, I fall asleep for a while.

When I wake up I think of going back tomorrow to the end of the world and burn what I need to burn…

I’m thinking - what is it that I need to get rid of, to transform, to change… so I can burn tomorrow a symbol of it…
As hard as I try, I can’t find anything worth getting rid of…
Stubbornly, I keep looking, when a phone rings inside my mind…

“WHAT?", I bark on the disturbing caller.
“What if there is nothing to change?", asks the voice on the other side.
“Who are you?", I ask angrily the voice.
“God", he answers.
“So what do you want?", I’m still pissed off.
“What if there’s noting to change?", God asks again.
“Of course there is!", I answer.
There’s silence on the other side.
“I’m working consciously on transforming myself for the last 20 years. I’m preaching about transformation for almost as many years. And believe me, even after all these years - there’s still a lot to do…", I continue.
“What if there’s nothing to change?", God asks again. This time, something in his tone of voice catches my attention.
“Then what is the purpose of my life?", I ask.
“What is the purpose of a tree?", asks God back.
“To grow", I answer, trying hard not to listen to my own words…
“And when it is already big, what is its purpose then?", asks God patiently.
“To grow", I answer again…
“And where does the tree grows to?", asks God.
“To the light!", I answer, as a soft, big sun rises up in my consciousness…

I, suddenly, feel peaceful and calm, as I never felt before.
There are no more questions in me.
There is no need for an answer.
When I remember to thank God for this conversation, there is no one on the other side.
I guess he had another call to attend to…

An old pilgrim told me a few weeks ago, “it’s not why you do the camino, but what for. And you’ll know the answer when you’ve arrived.”

Well, I had to go to the end of the world to realize that my purpose in life is not to change or transform, but to grow towards the light. Like a tree…

It’s time to become more like a tree.

A tree doesn’t try to become an animal or a rock, not even another sort of tree.
A tree is just there. With its strength, its shade, its fruits…
A tree doesn’t run after anyone to convince them to rest in its shade or eat from its fruits. Yet it is always there - for those who wish to enjoy its shade and fruits.

It’s time to become more like the tree that is patience and wise. Knowing that after the winter, comes always the spring. And after the fall, there are new leaves, then flowers, then fruits, and then the fall again…

More like the tree that is determined - digging its roots deeper and deeper into the nourishing earth. Keeps growing towards the light… keeps growing…

Only later I realize that this understanding was there all the time during the camino. Yet somehow, I missed it till now…

So many times, the question “what if there is no need to change?” popped up again and again in my mind. And I ignored it or shoved it aside.

And my daily intention “open my heart", which kept on popping up, although it didn’t fit what I thought was “appropriate"… That’s the being of a tree. It isn’t pushing anyone, nor running after anyone, convincing them to sit in its shade or eating its fruits. Yet, it is there open hearted, unconditionally giving anyone who comes its shade and fruits… Open my heart…

I see my words and books as my fruits… I still wonder what is my shade, what is this presence I have or still need to grow…
Time would tell…

I feel quiet now. At peace.
Like a tree…

…

In one of the first days of my camino, a priest in one of the churches asked me where did I start and how long am I going to walk to Santiago…
I answered that I’ve started a few days ago in St. Jean Pied de Port and I have about 40 days to complete my camino.

He said, “Jesus walked in the desert for 40 days… it’s a good number.”

“I hope it won’t take me that long.", I answered.

As I finish my dinner and walk along the small harbor, on the way back to my hotel room, I realize… today is the 13th of October - my 40th day on the camino…

No coincidence really…

Motivation2Go Blog


***********

I am always amazed when I read this man's journal.. sad to think it may end.. I am hoping, praying he will continue to speak even tho the journey that made the journal has ended.

Silly me...

It's been quite a while since I've blogged... bad Tabby!! Great, now I have guilt... lol... I guess there just hasn't been all that much going on in my world lately... Since I switched to day shift, I have so much time off I've just been kinda enjoying the extra time and vegging out a bit.. I have been working on a few things... I got the cover for the Schwoopie calendar inked.. now to colour it. I've been working on my daybook & fighting with the scanner. The pages scan pretty lousy because it's a pre-bound sketchbook type book that I made it in, so I'm gonna hafta redraw the pictures for the pages and then scan them & colour them with the paint program, but that's ok.. Gives me more to do (just what I needed!).... And I'm typing my BOS into my compy, so I can get things more organised in it... which is buffering my spirituality issues. Recording my pages and info I've saved is a slow way of easing back into the magick, since I've been neglecting (avoiding?) it for so long... bad Tabby, I know! But that' s why I'm starting slow...

What the teenagers know.....

It seems so odd... when you come over things never go the way we hope... but then, if you think about it.. maybe we're trying too hard... I think so, yes, I think the two of you (and you know I adore you both) try to hard to have to do something when you come over.. like you need to entertain me... like just you isn't enough, just your loving-friend presence isn't enough, like I'll think you're boring or no fun if we just hang out and talk or listen to music & art around the house... But all that means so much .... I dunno if I can explain.. I don't need to be entertained.. don't need you to be or do anything when you come to my house... You came to my house! You drove an hour in crappy traffic, construction & total blithering idiots all around you just to spend time with me... That means so much.. You took the time to come see me when you coulda just stayed home in your comfy little arthouse & done your own thing...you made room in your day for me...

And you presence is enough.. your presence means so much... Dani more than anyone should know that... (if she still remembers the me she met so long ago...) The most meaningfull thing to me is spending time with people I love, even if we're both just sitting in the same room... even if we barely say 3 whole sentences to each other...

I think so many people forget how important just the simplest contact with the rest of the world, but especially with people who love you, can mean.... Everyone seems set on having to do something.. no one just hangs out anymore... no one knows how to just spend time in one another's presence....

The world could do well to learn this one simple lesson from the throngs of slacker teenagers, sitting around together just hanging out & doing nothing.. and that's all they need.


All my love to you!!

8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude

1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As

you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing

on positive thoughts about the present and future.



2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings,

of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men

have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.



My, My.. how much happier and more fulfilled life would seem if we transferred the time we

spend on "woulda, coulda, shouldas" to thinking about how many good things we have going

for us right now & how much we truly have....



3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will

lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The

antidote to worry is positive action.



4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading

this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you

to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have

conquered obstacles in your past.



5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose

to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning

experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step

on a new path.



6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future

successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you

are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the

obstacles.



7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a

"time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept

away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.



What is the one thing you can always count on to cheer you up...?  Hold it close to your heart

when things look their bleakest.. then take that happy thing and immerse yourself in its joy.

Use it to drown the little negative monster till you can't hear its endless chattering.



8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong

enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle

you cannot overcome will give you that strength.

Y'know, I hardly know what to do with myself with all this extra time now that I'm working days.... I can spend so much more time with Brian, which I'm definitely enjoying... and now I'm not such an evil greedy girlfriend needing him to be home all the time.. See, when I was working nights, I felt like I never say him, so I got very upset and depressed when he wanted to go off and play with his friends, but now that I have more time with him, I don't mind so much.. ^_^

I have more time to do all the things that need done around the house, but I haven't had much energy lately to do them.. I'll build it back up soon, I'm sure!!^_~

And also, I have time to just enjoy sitting around the house listening to musick and working on art projects much procrastinated upon... HURRAY!!

What are you feeding?

An old Indian told his grandson about the fight that was going on in his inside.
“Son, it is a fight between two wolfs. One is called anger, jealousy, regret, arrogance, self pity, doubt, lying en egoism. The other one is called joy, peace, love, hope, rest, humility, friendliness, truth and loyalty."
The grandson asks, “... and grandfather, who is going to win?”
And the old Indian answers, “The wolf that I feed."