I think today is going to be a good day..

despite the snow outside.. boy will Mom be irratable at dinner tonite...

Brian went off early this morning to start a job with his friend, Rex, so that will help with bills and Christmas... I am so proud of him sometimes. Yes, he can be quite the pain at times, but there are moments when I am overcome with his sweetness and caring... He sometimes reminds me of a certain Brian from a TV show I like, in that he is often harsh or rough around the edges and at times doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself (sometimes not even himself), but if you come to know him and love him you begin to understand he loves you back in his own time and in his own "Brian" way.

Yesterday I drove to Mishawaka to visit my only friends (how I wished they lived closer... and I could see them everyday).. I took a wrong turn at my exit and ended up hopelessly lost and in the wrong towne... Goddess bless the girl at the 7-11 who gave me very simple and easy directions to get back to where I was sposeta be... When I finally arrived, a bit frazzled from the trip, but happy to see my dear friends, we watched cartoons (we're such grownups LOL) then went out to "Thanksgiving" dinner at the Cracker Barrell. Since we will not be able to spend the holiday together, they took me out to dinner so our little family could have our own holiday. When they asked me after dinner what was I thankful for, I didn't even really hafta think before I said "Family and friends, and a happy home." It's funny, Mike was there and they pointed out to him that when they'd asked him he'd said he couldn't say that because it was "cheesy and stupid", I guess because that's what people on sitcoms, etc. always say on their Thanksgiving episode, but how could it be cheesy and stupid if it's the honest truth. For the first time in my life I am free of any false friendships which pin me into a little persona and people who don't truly understand me.. I am in love and can look forward to really spending the rest of my life with someone who loves me back just as much, and I am so thankfull for both.

To the outside world, Brian may seem difficult, and I suppose he is, but I have had to many false lovers and broken hearts in my life... I loved Brian from our first date because he was himself. He never pretended to be a knight in shining armour or Mr. Wonderfull, or my fantasy guy or any of that. He was just Brian, faults and all, and that's exactly what I was looking for. From day one, he has been c0mpletely himself, and I have had the freedom, for the first time ever in any relationship, to be just me. We don't have to pretend to like what the other likes, but we listen and pay attention when the other talks about it - him and his music, video games, magic cards & I will try to be interested in what he's showing me and be excited for him when he defeats that bad guy I've heard him cursing and screaming at in the other room for the last 2 days; me with my stupid cute-boy obsessions, interior decorating, scrapbooks and he lets me hang posters of Orlando Bloom on our bedroom walls, re-decorate the house with all my stupid girly stuff and bright colours, and he'll drive me to the recycling centre for more magazines and never spoil my happy craziness as I cut them up and leave paper shreds everywhere... Never once has he said "Don't you have enough of that crap?!" And I could not love him more, but yet I do everyday. To outsiders, it may seem he's spoiled because he's always got new Magic cards or a new video game or whatever and he never buys me anything, but if there's something I want, he never says I can't have it. It doesn't seem one-sided to me because I don't really want that much. When I do really want something, I get it, but mostly I just want to be here, in our lousy little apt. with him. That to me is home, and that's all I need. Just him.

And my friends.. some would consider it a lonely life to stay home all the time and only have 2 (3?) friends in world, but these are friends I've known for years, who've watched my change and grow and become someone completely different than I was when they met me and they've been there at every turn to support this new version of me, never questioning my goals or reasons, never raising a hand to hold me back where they thought I was and everything is the same and makes sense. Is it these 2 friends who've opened many experiences to me and helped me to discover new things and new aspects of myself.. It is these 2 friends who will drive an hour from Mishawaka to buy me lunch before I go to work, then drive an hour back home.... when people who I thought were my friends lived in the same towne and couldn't make time for me because of my work schedule. So very true that it is in our actions and not in our deeds that we prove who we truly are...


Yes, outside it is snowing, but for me today, it's like the fluffly frosting on my happy little corner of the world....

A few noticable additions

Hopefully no one is terribly offended by the stoopid ugly banners you see above.. they serve a useful purpose or I wouldn't subject my pretty blog to their ickness.... They are supposed to drive more viewers to my blog and get me more attention.... and I love attention....

There is also a little Site Meter thingy that upsates me on how much traffic my site gets... but if it starts to depress me when I realise I really am the only one who comes here... I may kill it.... lol

..:What's your psychological problem?:..

Apathetic. You my apathetic friend, you should care
more about your life, right?


..:What's your psychological problem?:.. ( Anime Pictures )
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Thou shalt not kill......

"'We kill at every step, not only in wars, riots, and executions. We kill when we close our eyes to poverty, suffering, and shame. In the same way all disrespect for life, all hard-heartedness, all indifference, all contempt is nothing else than killing. With just a little witty skepticism we can kill a good deal of the future in a young person. Life is waiting everywhere, the future is flowering everywhere, but we only see a small part of it and step on much of it with our feet.'

- Hermann Hesse, German poet and novelist.

Source: Daily Dig"

Victory and defeat

I weep for the world... the election is decided and they handed it to Bush.. I say handed it to him because I seriously doubt that he honestly won this election with as many people as he has dissappointed, offended, enraged, angered.. There's no way that the American people voted an uber-xtian, prejudice, anti-gay, pro-war president back in to run the country...

I shudder to think what will become of our country in his next four years.... and I can think of at least two Americans who'll be looking for apartments in Canada...