For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint, can
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's
already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-
old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Superglue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odour is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time
to my house.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade... True story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where
the First pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his
home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the
class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised
his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy Sh*t, a talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.







Four-Letter Words

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they
got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother
asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned
Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never
heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got
to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could
be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so
embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your
mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH,
IRON, COOK...!"