It's kind of funny... no one told me that when you begin teaching yourself self-esteem you lose your patience and tolerance for rude, wretched people. Since I've been putting myself first lately, for the first time in my life, I just haven't had any use for people who don't respect me or don't listen when I speak. I find myself questioning whether or not people are worth my time instead of tying myself in knots trying to figure out how to make them like me. I've always liked to say that I don't care what people think of me, but it wasn't really true till recently. I've spent most of my life so worried what others are thinking of my clothes, my hair, my looks... but lately I only concern myself with whether or not I like what I see in the mirror, and my judgement criteria isn't nearly as detrimental as it used to be. I don't know why I bothered to worry what others thought- I was almost always worse on myself than anyone else...

It's an amazing thing to see how people are looking at me differently than they used to. When people begin to notice the changes in me some of them don't seem to know how to react. I've been so afraid, since I started this whole self-discovery trip, that those around me, those close to me, might not like the real me.... There are some who seem to think I've become a fucking bitch lately, but they just don't realise that's who I am. Not a bitch, really. I just seem like a bitch now bcoz I've taken everything off everyone for so damn long and I refuse to keep on doing it. Apparently people don't take kindly to doormats who don't feel like being stepped on anymore. Who knew?

Personally I'm enjoying being able to stand up straight without worrying I'm too tall... and god knows holding my head high is an exhilerating feeling. It feels good to not hide in the shadows. It feels good to think I have the right to be happy. It feels good to expect other people to respect me and treat me like a person.

When I meet a guy I actually consider and pay attention to how he's acting towards me, how he treats me rather than "oh, i hope he likes me." I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be supported. And I won't waste any more of my time with men who talk down to me, belittle my feelings, overlook me. I have to stop myself from falling down over some asshole sometimes still, but I can keep myself from doing it. I never even bothered to consider what I was doing to myself or putting myself thru before.

These days I put myself first instead of making myself miserable as long as everyone else is happy. I never knew how offensive it is for someone who's tall, curvy and loud to walk around like she's somebody. People talk about me all the time and I've started to realise most of them do it out of jealousy at my being able to be myself or comtempt because I'm not thin and beautiful and I still have confidence. What was I thinking? LOL

Ah... how I do love quizzes.... I am a vastly unhealthy creature on sooo many levels.... heheheheheheeheeee

You are Jack Sparrow, a pirate who used to be the
captain of the dreaded Black Pearl. You love to
drink and often times the people around you
don't know if you are drunk or crazy.


Which Pirates Of The Caribbean character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Roux. You are a river pirate, a trader, a
carpenter, and a lover. You and your kind are
misunderstood and often disrespected wherever
you go, and this has made you hard to the barbs
of injustice. You appreciate music and
craftsmanship and are always ready to cut a
deal. You drift from place to place, but
perhaps, if you find the right person, you may
settle down somewhere and stay.


What Johnny Depp Movie Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Who is your ideal matey from Pirates of the Caribbean?
brought to you by Quizilla

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



Not exactly surprising to anyone who knows me. Most people describe me as "the strangest person they've ever met."

I am the Rake A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy-figure - when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Stir a woman's repressed longings by adapting the Rake's mix of danger and pleasure. Symbol: Fire. The Rake burns with a desire that enflames the woman he is seducing. It is extreme, uncontrollable and dangerous. The Rake may end in hell, but the flames surrounding him often make him seem that much more desirable to women.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

Your ideal husband is Orlando Bloom! I hereby
label you
adventurous, fun-loving, not afraid of a challenge,
and a girl
who'll fall for the man of the moment


Which LOTR Actor Is Your Ideal Husband?
brought to you by Quizilla


I'm not especially surprised about this one.... actually very pleased..... I knew Orlando was puurrrrfect for me....!!!

Enough
~~ by maebh718

And so I hit the ground running;
Traces of your kiss on my lips.
And I'm making semblance of order where there is none;
I smell you around me still.
And I'm making appointments, balancing checkbooks, waiting for the cage door to finally open;
Your voice pours from the phone like warm caramel.

Overwhelmed by the past,
Oblivious to what's next,
And still.........
Flashes of moments together,
Strung like faerie lights through the day,
Are enough.