I swear lately I run myself fucking ragged, & for what? I've got nothing. SOme days I'm not even sure I have Brian anymore..... yesterday was 8 months.....

I work all the time & it feels like I hardly get to see him. He's sposeta be starting a job Monday with Jay working construction. He'll be working from 9 AM- 3, which means I'll see him even less. By the time I come home he'll be in bed & gone before I wake up. I told him already I'm gonna kill any of his friends who try to come over on my days off coz that's the only time I'll be getting with him....

I seem to have finally gotten over the depression that I was fighting. It helped that I wrote him a 6-page letter explaining exactly how I felt and why and he actually read it and paid attention. It also helps all the time I have to think while I'm at work and it occurred to me: I have always made my decisions based on what my heart says because my head never did anything but upset me, so why am I listening to it now.

It's also occurred to me that I need to get back to my spirituality because I've been feeling lost and empty lately and I think that's a big part of why.