Birth
OMG! The trailer took forever to DL from the site (b/c I have the demonic dial-up) but it was SOOO worth waiting for!! Nicole Kidman just keeps getting better & whoever the kid is, he's gonna be a star!! I'm blown away by the trailer for this one & I WILL NOT miss it when it comes out!!!
29 October, 2004
26 October, 2004
starting over......
"One song can spark a moment
One flower can wake a dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile can bring friendship
One hand clasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame a goal
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam can light a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh can conquer doom
One step must start each prayer
One hope will raise spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what's true
One life can make a difference
You see it's up to you!
Author unknown"
I don't remember where I got that, I just know it merits sharing....
Anyways, I've decided that I'm stifled by stoopid Yahoo and their limits on Yahoo Groups. They work well for some things, but I've jsut got too damn many pics and I'm filling them up at warp speed.. so I'm gonna try working on my webpages again for the 1st time in what seems like years... it actually might be.....
We'll see how it goes...
One flower can wake a dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile can bring friendship
One hand clasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame a goal
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam can light a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh can conquer doom
One step must start each prayer
One hope will raise spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what's true
One life can make a difference
You see it's up to you!
Author unknown"
I don't remember where I got that, I just know it merits sharing....
Anyways, I've decided that I'm stifled by stoopid Yahoo and their limits on Yahoo Groups. They work well for some things, but I've jsut got too damn many pics and I'm filling them up at warp speed.. so I'm gonna try working on my webpages again for the 1st time in what seems like years... it actually might be.....
We'll see how it goes...
23 October, 2004
18 October, 2004
the end of the world...
October 13th, 2004
As I leave the hotel in the morning, I buy something to eat on the way and I’m heading to the end of the world.
It is sunny and warm. I take a towel with me - just in case I’ll find a sandy beach to sit on…
The road to the end of the world passes through Finesterre and climbs up and up about 3 km away from the village.
On the way up, on the side of the road, gazing into the sea, hundreds of meters down - I find a girl I met before on the camino.
I join her, and we watch, for a while, the waves breaking onto the rocky shore.
The wind gets stronger, clouds are forming above us, and we choose to continue our climb up to the end of the world. On the way, we look for a path that goes down to the shore.
After a few futile tries to go down some goat’s paths, we find one that leads all the way to a huge rock in the water.
We sit silently on the rock for a long while, gazing into the turquoise water, waving to passing fishermen…
When the wind threaten to blow us into the sea and the rain starts, we climb up again - to the road that leads to the end of the world.
The end of the world turns out to be a huge cliff above the water. There’s no more land beyond it - only water.
On the top of the cliff there’s a big stone cross marking the place where, traditionally, the pilgrims that finish in Finesterre burn their walking shoes and clothes to symbolize getting rid of the past and opening to a new beginning…
I’ve heard about the ritual, but until this moment, I didn’t realize that the place is here.
I brought nothing with me to burn. Not even my green plastic lighter - to light a fire with.
I’ve participated in a few rituals like this in the past (once almost burning my house, when the ritual got too intense…). Each one of these rituals was very powerful, and I am sorry for not preparing myself for this one…
As an answer to my sorry thoughts, the rain gets stronger and the wind blows so strong, I need to hold to a rock, not to fall and roll down…
This, at least, relaxes me a bit. I realize that there’s no way I could light a fire now… so, probably it isn’t my time yet…
Instead, I stand on a rock, watching the endless sea below me, letting my hair go, and asking the wind and the rain to purify me.
I don’t know for how long I stand like this, but when I wake up from my trance - I am so cold, I can hardly move, and my hair is so messy I can hardly see.
We go down, back to Finesterre and the sky gives everything it has. It is pouring rain. The wind matures to a storm. I’m so happy again. I spread my arms, looking up to the sky, letting the rain and the wind do what they have to do…
When we get to the village we’re looking for an open café to have a cup of hot chocolate. But, it’s siësta time and everything is closed.
After a hot bath in my room, I fall asleep for a while.
When I wake up I think of going back tomorrow to the end of the world and burn what I need to burn…
I’m thinking - what is it that I need to get rid of, to transform, to change… so I can burn tomorrow a symbol of it…
As hard as I try, I can’t find anything worth getting rid of…
Stubbornly, I keep looking, when a phone rings inside my mind…
“WHAT?", I bark on the disturbing caller.
“What if there is nothing to change?", asks the voice on the other side.
“Who are you?", I ask angrily the voice.
“God", he answers.
“So what do you want?", I’m still pissed off.
“What if there’s noting to change?", God asks again.
“Of course there is!", I answer.
There’s silence on the other side.
“I’m working consciously on transforming myself for the last 20 years. I’m preaching about transformation for almost as many years. And believe me, even after all these years - there’s still a lot to do…", I continue.
“What if there’s nothing to change?", God asks again. This time, something in his tone of voice catches my attention.
“Then what is the purpose of my life?", I ask.
“What is the purpose of a tree?", asks God back.
“To grow", I answer, trying hard not to listen to my own words…
“And when it is already big, what is its purpose then?", asks God patiently.
“To grow", I answer again…
“And where does the tree grows to?", asks God.
“To the light!", I answer, as a soft, big sun rises up in my consciousness…
I, suddenly, feel peaceful and calm, as I never felt before.
There are no more questions in me.
There is no need for an answer.
When I remember to thank God for this conversation, there is no one on the other side.
I guess he had another call to attend to…
An old pilgrim told me a few weeks ago, “it’s not why you do the camino, but what for. And you’ll know the answer when you’ve arrived.”
Well, I had to go to the end of the world to realize that my purpose in life is not to change or transform, but to grow towards the light. Like a tree…
It’s time to become more like a tree.
A tree doesn’t try to become an animal or a rock, not even another sort of tree.
A tree is just there. With its strength, its shade, its fruits…
A tree doesn’t run after anyone to convince them to rest in its shade or eat from its fruits. Yet it is always there - for those who wish to enjoy its shade and fruits.
It’s time to become more like the tree that is patience and wise. Knowing that after the winter, comes always the spring. And after the fall, there are new leaves, then flowers, then fruits, and then the fall again…
More like the tree that is determined - digging its roots deeper and deeper into the nourishing earth. Keeps growing towards the light… keeps growing…
Only later I realize that this understanding was there all the time during the camino. Yet somehow, I missed it till now…
So many times, the question “what if there is no need to change?” popped up again and again in my mind. And I ignored it or shoved it aside.
And my daily intention “open my heart", which kept on popping up, although it didn’t fit what I thought was “appropriate"… That’s the being of a tree. It isn’t pushing anyone, nor running after anyone, convincing them to sit in its shade or eating its fruits. Yet, it is there open hearted, unconditionally giving anyone who comes its shade and fruits… Open my heart…
I see my words and books as my fruits… I still wonder what is my shade, what is this presence I have or still need to grow…
Time would tell…
I feel quiet now. At peace.
Like a tree…
…
In one of the first days of my camino, a priest in one of the churches asked me where did I start and how long am I going to walk to Santiago…
I answered that I’ve started a few days ago in St. Jean Pied de Port and I have about 40 days to complete my camino.
He said, “Jesus walked in the desert for 40 days… it’s a good number.”
“I hope it won’t take me that long.", I answered.
As I finish my dinner and walk along the small harbor, on the way back to my hotel room, I realize… today is the 13th of October - my 40th day on the camino…
No coincidence really…
Motivation2Go Blog
***********
I am always amazed when I read this man's journal.. sad to think it may end.. I am hoping, praying he will continue to speak even tho the journey that made the journal has ended.
As I leave the hotel in the morning, I buy something to eat on the way and I’m heading to the end of the world.
It is sunny and warm. I take a towel with me - just in case I’ll find a sandy beach to sit on…
The road to the end of the world passes through Finesterre and climbs up and up about 3 km away from the village.
On the way up, on the side of the road, gazing into the sea, hundreds of meters down - I find a girl I met before on the camino.
I join her, and we watch, for a while, the waves breaking onto the rocky shore.
The wind gets stronger, clouds are forming above us, and we choose to continue our climb up to the end of the world. On the way, we look for a path that goes down to the shore.
After a few futile tries to go down some goat’s paths, we find one that leads all the way to a huge rock in the water.
We sit silently on the rock for a long while, gazing into the turquoise water, waving to passing fishermen…
When the wind threaten to blow us into the sea and the rain starts, we climb up again - to the road that leads to the end of the world.
The end of the world turns out to be a huge cliff above the water. There’s no more land beyond it - only water.
On the top of the cliff there’s a big stone cross marking the place where, traditionally, the pilgrims that finish in Finesterre burn their walking shoes and clothes to symbolize getting rid of the past and opening to a new beginning…
I’ve heard about the ritual, but until this moment, I didn’t realize that the place is here.
I brought nothing with me to burn. Not even my green plastic lighter - to light a fire with.
I’ve participated in a few rituals like this in the past (once almost burning my house, when the ritual got too intense…). Each one of these rituals was very powerful, and I am sorry for not preparing myself for this one…
As an answer to my sorry thoughts, the rain gets stronger and the wind blows so strong, I need to hold to a rock, not to fall and roll down…
This, at least, relaxes me a bit. I realize that there’s no way I could light a fire now… so, probably it isn’t my time yet…
Instead, I stand on a rock, watching the endless sea below me, letting my hair go, and asking the wind and the rain to purify me.
I don’t know for how long I stand like this, but when I wake up from my trance - I am so cold, I can hardly move, and my hair is so messy I can hardly see.
We go down, back to Finesterre and the sky gives everything it has. It is pouring rain. The wind matures to a storm. I’m so happy again. I spread my arms, looking up to the sky, letting the rain and the wind do what they have to do…
When we get to the village we’re looking for an open café to have a cup of hot chocolate. But, it’s siësta time and everything is closed.
After a hot bath in my room, I fall asleep for a while.
When I wake up I think of going back tomorrow to the end of the world and burn what I need to burn…
I’m thinking - what is it that I need to get rid of, to transform, to change… so I can burn tomorrow a symbol of it…
As hard as I try, I can’t find anything worth getting rid of…
Stubbornly, I keep looking, when a phone rings inside my mind…
“WHAT?", I bark on the disturbing caller.
“What if there is nothing to change?", asks the voice on the other side.
“Who are you?", I ask angrily the voice.
“God", he answers.
“So what do you want?", I’m still pissed off.
“What if there’s noting to change?", God asks again.
“Of course there is!", I answer.
There’s silence on the other side.
“I’m working consciously on transforming myself for the last 20 years. I’m preaching about transformation for almost as many years. And believe me, even after all these years - there’s still a lot to do…", I continue.
“What if there’s nothing to change?", God asks again. This time, something in his tone of voice catches my attention.
“Then what is the purpose of my life?", I ask.
“What is the purpose of a tree?", asks God back.
“To grow", I answer, trying hard not to listen to my own words…
“And when it is already big, what is its purpose then?", asks God patiently.
“To grow", I answer again…
“And where does the tree grows to?", asks God.
“To the light!", I answer, as a soft, big sun rises up in my consciousness…
I, suddenly, feel peaceful and calm, as I never felt before.
There are no more questions in me.
There is no need for an answer.
When I remember to thank God for this conversation, there is no one on the other side.
I guess he had another call to attend to…
An old pilgrim told me a few weeks ago, “it’s not why you do the camino, but what for. And you’ll know the answer when you’ve arrived.”
Well, I had to go to the end of the world to realize that my purpose in life is not to change or transform, but to grow towards the light. Like a tree…
It’s time to become more like a tree.
A tree doesn’t try to become an animal or a rock, not even another sort of tree.
A tree is just there. With its strength, its shade, its fruits…
A tree doesn’t run after anyone to convince them to rest in its shade or eat from its fruits. Yet it is always there - for those who wish to enjoy its shade and fruits.
It’s time to become more like the tree that is patience and wise. Knowing that after the winter, comes always the spring. And after the fall, there are new leaves, then flowers, then fruits, and then the fall again…
More like the tree that is determined - digging its roots deeper and deeper into the nourishing earth. Keeps growing towards the light… keeps growing…
Only later I realize that this understanding was there all the time during the camino. Yet somehow, I missed it till now…
So many times, the question “what if there is no need to change?” popped up again and again in my mind. And I ignored it or shoved it aside.
And my daily intention “open my heart", which kept on popping up, although it didn’t fit what I thought was “appropriate"… That’s the being of a tree. It isn’t pushing anyone, nor running after anyone, convincing them to sit in its shade or eating its fruits. Yet, it is there open hearted, unconditionally giving anyone who comes its shade and fruits… Open my heart…
I see my words and books as my fruits… I still wonder what is my shade, what is this presence I have or still need to grow…
Time would tell…
I feel quiet now. At peace.
Like a tree…
…
In one of the first days of my camino, a priest in one of the churches asked me where did I start and how long am I going to walk to Santiago…
I answered that I’ve started a few days ago in St. Jean Pied de Port and I have about 40 days to complete my camino.
He said, “Jesus walked in the desert for 40 days… it’s a good number.”
“I hope it won’t take me that long.", I answered.
As I finish my dinner and walk along the small harbor, on the way back to my hotel room, I realize… today is the 13th of October - my 40th day on the camino…
No coincidence really…
Motivation2Go Blog
***********
I am always amazed when I read this man's journal.. sad to think it may end.. I am hoping, praying he will continue to speak even tho the journey that made the journal has ended.
14 October, 2004
Silly me...
It's been quite a while since I've blogged... bad Tabby!! Great, now I have guilt... lol... I guess there just hasn't been all that much going on in my world lately... Since I switched to day shift, I have so much time off I've just been kinda enjoying the extra time and vegging out a bit.. I have been working on a few things... I got the cover for the Schwoopie calendar inked.. now to colour it. I've been working on my daybook & fighting with the scanner. The pages scan pretty lousy because it's a pre-bound sketchbook type book that I made it in, so I'm gonna hafta redraw the pictures for the pages and then scan them & colour them with the paint program, but that's ok.. Gives me more to do (just what I needed!).... And I'm typing my BOS into my compy, so I can get things more organised in it... which is buffering my spirituality issues. Recording my pages and info I've saved is a slow way of easing back into the magick, since I've been neglecting (avoiding?) it for so long... bad Tabby, I know! But that' s why I'm starting slow...
08 October, 2004
What the teenagers know.....
It seems so odd... when you come over things never go the way we hope... but then, if you think about it.. maybe we're trying too hard... I think so, yes, I think the two of you (and you know I adore you both) try to hard to have to do something when you come over.. like you need to entertain me... like just you isn't enough, just your loving-friend presence isn't enough, like I'll think you're boring or no fun if we just hang out and talk or listen to music & art around the house... But all that means so much .... I dunno if I can explain.. I don't need to be entertained.. don't need you to be or do anything when you come to my house... You came to my house! You drove an hour in crappy traffic, construction & total blithering idiots all around you just to spend time with me... That means so much.. You took the time to come see me when you coulda just stayed home in your comfy little arthouse & done your own thing...you made room in your day for me...
And you presence is enough.. your presence means so much... Dani more than anyone should know that... (if she still remembers the me she met so long ago...) The most meaningfull thing to me is spending time with people I love, even if we're both just sitting in the same room... even if we barely say 3 whole sentences to each other...
I think so many people forget how important just the simplest contact with the rest of the world, but especially with people who love you, can mean.... Everyone seems set on having to do something.. no one just hangs out anymore... no one knows how to just spend time in one another's presence....
The world could do well to learn this one simple lesson from the throngs of slacker teenagers, sitting around together just hanging out & doing nothing.. and that's all they need.
All my love to you!!
And you presence is enough.. your presence means so much... Dani more than anyone should know that... (if she still remembers the me she met so long ago...) The most meaningfull thing to me is spending time with people I love, even if we're both just sitting in the same room... even if we barely say 3 whole sentences to each other...
I think so many people forget how important just the simplest contact with the rest of the world, but especially with people who love you, can mean.... Everyone seems set on having to do something.. no one just hangs out anymore... no one knows how to just spend time in one another's presence....
The world could do well to learn this one simple lesson from the throngs of slacker teenagers, sitting around together just hanging out & doing nothing.. and that's all they need.
All my love to you!!
8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude
1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As
you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing
on positive thoughts about the present and future.
2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings,
of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men
have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.
My, My.. how much happier and more fulfilled life would seem if we transferred the time we
spend on "woulda, coulda, shouldas" to thinking about how many good things we have going
for us right now & how much we truly have....
3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will
lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The
antidote to worry is positive action.
4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading
this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you
to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have
conquered obstacles in your past.
5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose
to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning
experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step
on a new path.
6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future
successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you
are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the
obstacles.
7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a
"time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept
away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.
What is the one thing you can always count on to cheer you up...? Hold it close to your heart
when things look their bleakest.. then take that happy thing and immerse yourself in its joy.
Use it to drown the little negative monster till you can't hear its endless chattering.
8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong
enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle
you cannot overcome will give you that strength.
06 October, 2004
Y'know, I hardly know what to do with myself with all this extra time now that I'm working days.... I can spend so much more time with Brian, which I'm definitely enjoying... and now I'm not such an evil greedy girlfriend needing him to be home all the time.. See, when I was working nights, I felt like I never say him, so I got very upset and depressed when he wanted to go off and play with his friends, but now that I have more time with him, I don't mind so much.. ^_^
I have more time to do all the things that need done around the house, but I haven't had much energy lately to do them.. I'll build it back up soon, I'm sure!!^_~
And also, I have time to just enjoy sitting around the house listening to musick and working on art projects much procrastinated upon... HURRAY!!
I have more time to do all the things that need done around the house, but I haven't had much energy lately to do them.. I'll build it back up soon, I'm sure!!^_~
And also, I have time to just enjoy sitting around the house listening to musick and working on art projects much procrastinated upon... HURRAY!!
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