My Meez

Happy Birthday Joaquin Phoenix!! Picspam (NDUF)

I wanted to go out karaoke tonite, but my bar (the only one in town I care to even go to) was inexplicably closed... So I am winding cheering myself up by posting a super-hot Joaquin Phoenix birthday spam. Enjoy!

Happy Bday Viggo Mortensen!

First - as Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings trilogy

I just love his smile - it's such an honest "non-Hollywood" smile...





I love him here, so relaxed & comfortable in his skin.

Viggo with David Cronenberg (director of "A History of Violence" and "Eastern Promises" - which I so have to go see.)

You need only look in those eyes to see how old this man's soul really is...

And lastly, some as Nikolai from his newest film, "Eastern Promises"

Happy Birthday Hugh Jackman!

I Posted a picspam in honour of Hugh Jackman's birthday over at my livejournal!

Happy Birthday Hisoka!

Happy Birthday to Hisoka from Yami no Matsuei (or Descendants of Darkness)!

Rant!

Y'know, it's kinda funny. See my sis posted a comment on my page saying "Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints" and she couldn't have picked better. For me, today was one of those days!

Mom & Dad just got their compy back from repair, & they liked the guy who worked on it, so I took mine over. Keith looks it over, listens to me describe all the issues I've been having with it & whatever. He says based on what I'm describing, it's gotta be the motherboard. Turns out basically every part of my poor compy is out-dated as hell. Fuck. So I sat talking with him & going over new parts. We picked out some really good stuff based on what I use it for & the total for my shiny new compy (when it's all done) will be around $600. Fuck. It should be just completely awesome, but damn. Thankfully, we can do it in pieces. So I will drop off some money on payday for parts till I've got them all paid for & then he'll build it for me. It will be nice to have such an awesome system when it's done, but that's a big fucking chunk, seriously!

Well, it took forever to go over all the parts & such, so then I had to run to Walmart to pick up sinus medicine & stuff. Of course there were like 4 lanes open with waayy too many people waiting in every line. And of course I picked the one that had to suddenly stop & do a money drop. And of course she tried to scan my stuff with the guy's stuff ahead of me. Jeezass!

So when I finally get out I hit Wendy's for dinner & when I get home Mom & Dad are pissed because I'm waayyy late & they're starving (I knew they would be).

Finish dinner & try to scan some pages from my journal like I promised Indigo, but (of course!) the scanner says "Fuck You! Don't feel like it!" So I'll have to do that another day.

To cap off my night, I go to let Shadow in & hear it's raining - hard. So I run out, realising I left my windows down in my hurry to get home with dinner. Fuck. My seats are cloth not vinyl & it's all soaked inside. Fabulous.

I shudder to think what my night at work is gonna be like after a day like today. Maybe the Universe will have pity. *prays*

I'm in a really good place right now...

For the first time in a (very) long time, I'm in a really good place right now. Not a good place as in where I'm living, because right now that's with my folks while I pay off some bills, etc. But a really good place in my life, with myself. I can't remember the last time I really felt like I was doing for myself & focusing on what I want to get out of life. It feels pretty good. I'm working on my Schwoopies. I even have a children's book & a tarot deck in the works! *does motivational dance* I am really pleased with the work I've been doing lately, & the more I work on it, the better it seems to be getting (awesome!).

Besides my art, I am really happy with myself for the first time in what seems like forever. I think the last time I really was close to knowing and understanding myself was in high school (for those who don't know, that was 10 years ago) before I started along the path of bad relationships. I do regret all the time I lost & the me that I lost along the way, but those years have all taught me a great deal of very valuable lessons, so I can't regret it completely. But finally I am coming back to myself & what truly makes me happy, not what can I do to make someone else happy or make them love me. I don't need to make someone love me. I am well worth loving just as I am, cracks & flaws & all!

There is someone I've been kinda talking to over the last couple months & it seems that at this point he's maybe not quite ready & maybe it will just stay as working on a friendship for awhile. A couple months ago, this would have crushed me. I would have felt rejected & miserable & been scrambling to make him want me. It feels good to be able to say that I'm okay with this and actually mean it. (Hallelujah!!) I'm really okay. I'm not upset. I completely understand that he has some things he's still dealing with in his life. And I accept the thought that it might never happen. I'm okay with that too. It seems strange to say that. It's been so long since I was okay with myself & with being alone. To not feel panicky at being alone. To not feel depressed & un-wanted. But the beauty of it is that I am wanted - by me! I am enough, just by myself. Of course I want to be with someone, but I don't have to be to be happy. Wow! I think I've finally reached the point of "becoming a 1"!