I'm in a really good place right now...

For the first time in a (very) long time, I'm in a really good place right now. Not a good place as in where I'm living, because right now that's with my folks while I pay off some bills, etc. But a really good place in my life, with myself. I can't remember the last time I really felt like I was doing for myself & focusing on what I want to get out of life. It feels pretty good. I'm working on my Schwoopies. I even have a children's book & a tarot deck in the works! *does motivational dance* I am really pleased with the work I've been doing lately, & the more I work on it, the better it seems to be getting (awesome!).

Besides my art, I am really happy with myself for the first time in what seems like forever. I think the last time I really was close to knowing and understanding myself was in high school (for those who don't know, that was 10 years ago) before I started along the path of bad relationships. I do regret all the time I lost & the me that I lost along the way, but those years have all taught me a great deal of very valuable lessons, so I can't regret it completely. But finally I am coming back to myself & what truly makes me happy, not what can I do to make someone else happy or make them love me. I don't need to make someone love me. I am well worth loving just as I am, cracks & flaws & all!

There is someone I've been kinda talking to over the last couple months & it seems that at this point he's maybe not quite ready & maybe it will just stay as working on a friendship for awhile. A couple months ago, this would have crushed me. I would have felt rejected & miserable & been scrambling to make him want me. It feels good to be able to say that I'm okay with this and actually mean it. (Hallelujah!!) I'm really okay. I'm not upset. I completely understand that he has some things he's still dealing with in his life. And I accept the thought that it might never happen. I'm okay with that too. It seems strange to say that. It's been so long since I was okay with myself & with being alone. To not feel panicky at being alone. To not feel depressed & un-wanted. But the beauty of it is that I am wanted - by me! I am enough, just by myself. Of course I want to be with someone, but I don't have to be to be happy. Wow! I think I've finally reached the point of "becoming a 1"!