Why can't I just have debilitating cramps like every other woman with PMS..... ? No. I have to get paranoid. I'm fine any other time and I love adore and trust Brian completely, but once a month for about a week I'm convinced that he's up to something, talking to other girls online or on the phone.... it makes me sick and angry and depressed and the pills don't work on paranoia like they do on cramps....


On top of this shit, I had the day off today and woulda liked to spend it with him, but he hadda go help Jay move. He left at like 9 this morning and wasn't home still at 6 so I called and he said he's got no ride won't be home tonite. I got very upset and was crying before I even hung up the fucking phone.. Last nite when he said he was going to Jay's I told him I was unhappy about it becoz it's my day off and I don't get that many when I don't have something I hafta go do and I didn't have any plans today and we coulda spent the whole day together. I feel like we never get any time together coz I'm always working and he's always with his friends or his stoopid friends are here...

I'm just very depressed and missed him dreadfully today and spent most of today trying not to cry.. and failing.