Author Topic: Thursday Soul Food
Willow Wand posted 2003-09-01 10:00
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Soulmusing: Judge Not, Lest....

Judging only affects the person being judged, right? Nope. Say you
look at a fat person and think, "Look at how fat he is. What a slob.
He must be lazy and fat and stupid." Does that affect the person you
are looking at? No. You affect yourself. You in effect send a message
to yourself saying that fat is bad, and that there is something wrong
with fat people. Guess what happens when you gain five pounds? That
judgment is stored in your mental wiring, you unwittingly apply it to
yourself, and your own self-esteem suffers.

Acceptance goes around, and so does judgment. Think about the guy in
your circle of friends who's easy-going and fun, and who never has an
unkind thing to say. Everybody wants to be around him. Even when he
does something that is not so bright, you laugh it off as a "quirk".

On the other hand, consider the resident critic. The one who's always
full of negative opinions, whether they are expressed openly or shown
merely by a raised eyebrow. What happens when he does something
wrong? Are you as willing to write it off as a quirk, or are you
quick to either point out his fault or to silently gloat? Judging
begets judging... acceptance begets acceptance.

In this life, your view of another person can never be accurate. You
are not sharing their reality, and you don't know all the factors
that make their behavior what it is. The fat person you saw might
have a glandular problem brought on by the experimental drug he's
taking to combat his thyroid cancer. The co-worker who throws herself
at every man in the office whether he's married or not might be
acting out of low self-esteem because she was subjected to repeated
abuse as a child. You never know.

That is not to say that you have to like, agree with or encourage the
behavior you find disturbing. Just don't judge it. Maintain more of
an "I wonder why" attitude when confronted with actions you would
normally judge. ("Hmmm.. I wonder why Jim feels the need to drink so
much", for example, instead of "That Jim is one stinky old drunk!")

This is a much more humane way to deal with people, and the effect of
it is that you yourself don't get judged as much. What a bonus!