Top 51 Ways To Torment An Evil Lawn Gnome
By Emo Kid

Rank:
1) Evil pink flamingos...or maybe large ceramic trolls.
2) Convince the nieghbourhood dogs it's a fire hydrant
3) Put him under your birdfeeder to collect the birds' "deposits"
4) Cute Female Lawn Gnome in a pentagram of Snail and Slug Death
5) Cry 'Havoc' and let loose the Termites of War!!!
6) Give it an Elmo doll for company
7) make another lawn gnome and chop it in half in front of him
8) tie him above the fireplace
9) sick a beaver on him
10) sledgehammer
11) stand it next to one of those lawn geese, and dress it in a matching costume
12) Buy him the book 'Wood Carving for Dummies'
13) start singing "Hi Ho"
14) Force it to associate with Evil Lawn Elves and Evil Lawn Halflings
15) Run around it re-enacting LOTR fight scenes
16) Run it over with the lawn mower of God
17) Introduce it to an Evil Lawn Gnome Salesman
18) Paint on a red target. Here come the pigeons!!!
19) Place Richard Simmons Chia Pets all over your lawn
20) give him a wooden building block and write "you're next" on it
21) Turn the sprinkler system on.
22) Hide your underpants
23) Give out its cell phone number to Telemarketing companies
24) spray him with wood cleaner
25) chip off his "old block"
26) Sledge-a-matic !!!
27) introduce him to your new cat
28) Burn it with gasoline and a match
29) Make him eat a wooden spoon. Cannibal!
30) Hammer a nail up his a@#
31) Lock him away with the Dell Kid
32) Embarrass it by placing it next to the drunk holding the light pole
33) tie him to a chair and make him watch "Snow White"
34) dig a hole in his lawn
35) Take one for a drive.. tied to the back of your car.
36) Lure it in a box with an acorn
37) say "I want your woody!"
38) Turn your toyota tacoma into a low rider. refilm commercial
39) Run them over with a lawnmower.
40) grab an axe and run after him
41) Lock him in a dark basement
42) Paint him red and let the dog loose
43) Put a Newborn Baby at His Doorstep and Observe the Hilarious Consequences
44) take away his tools
45) re-paint it
46) grab a block of wood and put lips on it in a cage
47) say "You'd make a nice guitar"
48) say "look there's a new front yard" and laugh at him
49) bring over Minime or Danny Devito
50) stick tree bark in his bed covers
51) Take his lamp. It will look like he's a neo-Nazi.


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