Last fall when my fiance left my a month and a 1/2 before our wedding, I thought I was destroyed. Then I began to realise that it was (almost) a blessing, because it forced me to reevaluate what I wanted and what makes me happy.

So I have been going about the business of enjoying the single life for the 1st time in about 6 years...

Then a couple weeks ago this guy starts at work.. Mike...

Something tells me he's trouble (not bad trouble, but kinda trouble), but I can't help myself. I've been flirting with him and then my girlfriend said she'd asked him about me and he liked me... so I offerred him a ride home one night when the weather was crappy. On the way, I admitted I liked him and he, eventually, admitted the same.

The thing that sucks here is that he's on work release. HOLD ON LADIES, DON'T START IN YET!! But he's a really great guy and he explained to me clearly why he's in jail to start with.. it's a long story, but trust me, it's nothing bad- just some vandalism...

So the thing is, I only get to see him at work and we get to talk when I take him home or on the way to work... Things have been moving very slowly (which is a good thing for us both at this point) these last couple days... He kissed me on the cheek and we even progressed to holding hands...

This may sound boring, but to me and my massive co-dependence someone who moves slowly and me having to move slowly is just what I need...

But yesterday...I got to thinking wwaaayyy tooo much... I spend most of my time at work in the back drive-thru window, and he runs the grills, so I can just kinda stand back there watching him and we joke and such... it actually makes the day pleasant (and Goddess knows all I have to do is think of him and I can't help but smile...if someone mentions his name I start giggling like a damn schoolgirl....). And I got to thinking that I just know I'm gonna get hurt... I just have this feeling... My head keeps going, "You're gonna get hurt again. He's gonna figure out you're not who he thinks you are or what he wants..." But my hopeless romantic little heart was just skipping along obstinantly like "I'm not listening. I don't care. I'm gonna do it anyway. Nyah! Nyah!"

Today we were sitting out by the lake talking (me doing mosta the talking coz he's the quiet type) and I brought up the fact that he seems to be thinking an awful lot and never says much... so how am I sposeta get to know him if he never talks...

So he was telling me what he thinks the most about is getting to go home and sleep in his own bed, etc. (Which I can totaly respect and understand) He said that's all he really cares about at this point. His actual words were something like "It's like I care abour you, but I don't. All I care about is going home." Now, I totally understood where he was coming from and what he really meant, but I still couldn't stop it. I sank. I was hurt, I was upset that he said he didn't care (lemme say that I always invest myself far too much in everything). He was trying to say something to make me feel better, trying to reword it so I wasn't hurt, but by that time I hadda take him back to the center....

Now there's this big hole in my heart where this blissful, little happy place was earlier today. That evil logic demon in my head is preaching "See, I told you you'd get hurt! See I told you he didn't care as much as you did! But you wouldn't listen!" And my hopeless romantic is broken and crying in a corner....

I won't see him tomorrow... and IF he gets his 9 hour pass, I may see him Saturday.... otherwise I just hafta pray I see him at work Monday....