I noticed something just the other day... up in the right hand corner of the screen (at least in my screen.. .maybe I have a magic screen & U can't see that box... ) when I'm looking at a blog there is a box for "Next Blog"... this is a fascinating toy for someone like me who loves ppl, loves to be nosey.... You can just surf along thru the string of blogs! People you don't know, will never meet who didn't invite you.. you can secretly read their little worlds... it's almost like a biography you found by accident, but more interesting.. Just thought I'd share coz I hadn't noticed that button before & thought maybe there were other bored nosey voyeuristic individuals out there who'd dig fishing thru strangers inner demons.... maybe it's just me....

Just reading over that last post & the couple before it & thinking how heinously depressing my blogs become lately... I really should post when I'm happy & not just when I'm depressed or I'm gonna end up like all the other mindless drivel out here in space, sucking the life outta the reader with their vapid "musings" & whiny self-loathing "OH I'm so depressed! The world hates me!" every day of the week...

ACK!!!

We will be having none of that!!! So here's a little something that's been earworming* me lately:

She will be loved by Maroon 5

"Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye


Something about that song...... I can't really explain it... but it always makes me think of that movie "13 going on 30", which I haven't seen, but since I keep thinking of it I wonder of Maroon 5 is sending me subliminal messages......

* Earworm = a song that's stuck in your head

Say a prayer for me out there, will ya? I'm gonna need it! Brian just left this morning to go to work with Jay.... translation: he'll be gone till Thursday! I dunno how I'm gonna survive this! I know it makes me sound weak & pathetic & hopelessly codependent, but I'm not any of those things (altho, yes, I used to be).. it's just he truly is the centre of my world, the light of my life, the reason I have to wake up in the morning & the thing that keeps me going all night at work knowing I have him to come home to... but now I won't. On one level it's a good thing because he's going to be making real good money, so we'll be able to shut up the utility companies & not hafta wake up everyday wondering if today is the day they turn off the phone/NIPSCO/water.. We're hoping to get the Thomas running full force & get another vehicle as well, plus we'll be able to get the hell outta this li'l rathole we call an apt. come February when our lease is up... but those are all still pipe dreams at this point. Right now, I just hafta survive this week & we'll see when he comes home with the check if it's worth doing anymore...

So, if you two are reading this, feel free to aim Hakaryu this direction anytime coz I'll be more than happy to have the company!

Blue... like my tears..

I am so miserable.. and over such a little thing...

Brian went to work a few minutes ago.. to deliver papers with a friend coz goddess knows we need the $$$... He'll be gone till round 4:30 or 5 in the morning, meaning I'll have already gone to sleep by the time he comes home.. if I don't just wait up for him knowing I can't sleep without him anyway....'

Why does it make me so miserable when he's gone... I'm a little sad at work bcoz I miss him, but nothing like when he leaves to go somewhere for a while.... it nearly undid me when he went for 2 days to Ohio to bring his mother back.... Another friend, Jay, came by 2nite wanting Brian to go work with him on a job remodeling houses.. but that would keep him away for like a week... yeah, ok... just kill me now... It seems Brian don't want to take that job for the same reason - he wouldn't want to be away from me for that long either... So, hopefully, this job with Gabe will work out well enuf for us to catch up on things...

It's been getting pretty bad lately. Yesterday they shut the water off & I hadda borrow $$ from Mom to get it turned back on & was late for work bcoz of it... THings are just piling up & up & I'm afraid we'll never get them caught up & never get the hell outta this apt....

Trying very hard not to be depressed... but it's impossible with my chibi gone....

Hmmmm..... it seems there truly is no rest for the wicked.. at least, there won't be tonite. See, my darling chibi has gone off to Ohio to fetch his evil mother & bring her back here to live with her ex who she told me she hated but she made up with anyhow... whatever. So I thought he'd be home tonite coz he told me he thought me might & I was very hopefull coz I can't stand to be away from him... but he won't be home till late tomorrow nite... how miserable am I just now?

But, on a nicer note, I spent a lovely day with friends for their birthday - we skipped the Death Day cake - but we hung out, went shopping ( I bought lotsa great stuff for my chibi whose bday is Thursday!) & we went to see De-Lovely. Funny.... see, it's about the life of Cole Porter, so we were the only people there under, like, 50. lol It's kind of sad, but so moving & resonant & beautifull. There's so much life, depth & emotion... it's wonderfull! As a side note, I so gotta get the soundtrack, with Robbie Williams, Alanis, Elvis Costello.... oh yeah!

I read an article in a magazine a while back about this guy who'd set up this group online for "freecycling" & it sounded like a great idea, so I wanted to check into it. Turns out, it's not one group. The movement started small & blew up everywhere! I signed up for the group in the South Bend/Mishawaka area, but there are egroups for all over the place. See article in the Elkart Truth, which explains this all very simply. It's a great idea & a great way to get & get rid of some really good stuff.

Tonite at work started out interesting...

When I got there, I couldn't get in the front door bcoz Edna (one of the residents) had managed to get out of her locked unit & was at the front door trying to leave, so they had it locked & were trying to convince her to move away, but no dice.. so I went to the other door & snuck in that way...

Now, I don't remember exactly when, but within the 1st week or so I worked there, Frank had asked me about my pentacle necklace I wear- asking was I Wiccan or just pagan.. I never thought to ask him.... & tonite Jean (Frank's gf) asked to see my necklace. Then she tells me she just bought Frank one for the Aquarius sign w/ all the Zodiac symbols around it & starts in about the Ren faire they'd just been to (damn! I never reminded her to show me the pics.... :( ) And she says that while they were there Frank mentioned "Y'know, I bet Tabitha would love this..." How cool that they thought of me! It's nice to have at-work friends, especially the really decent ppl kind. It's also great to have pagan/pagan-friendly co-workers & work in a building where I've never had to fear wearing my necklace. I've spent many breaks sittin on the counter in the laundry room colouring my homemade book of tarot readings (which BTW is finishd- Yeah me!!) & the backs for my collage tarot deck.

Speaking of my deck, I'm hoping to have some time soon (yeah right) to get the cards all scanned in - as it is nearing (I think) completion - & I'm hoping to put it online for sale...

Firstly, thank you ever so for the comment, dearest ShuiSanzo.... for someone who's spent most of their life afraid no one would notice or miss them if they died, it 's nice to know you missed my inane babbling posts on an insignificant blog somewhere in cyberspace.


Secondly, there is something so comforting about hearing him laugh from the other room. We seem to spend a lot of time in the house together but hardly see each other sometimes because I am on the puter & he's living on Playstation parked in the living room... (I told him when- not if! I swear it's when - we buy a house it's gotta be a loft type space or I'm knocking all the fucking walls down!) But for me, on good days, it is enough.. bcoz I know that he's there & all I have to do is get up & he's around the corner or speak his name & he will appear... There were others in my life who didn't understand this. They couldn't understand how them doing something & me doing something but 2 dif't things & we're not actually talking but we're in the same room is enough for me. I don't need roses & poems & presents & rings & the whole world on a silver platter. I just need you to be there. To me, it's so simple. That's what people really need is someone who will be there.

I'm very proud of me coz I surfed round & found a better template (coz I was sick of the few Blogger had) and then I figured out how to add all my links... I figured out I can add pics with the little BloggerBot thingy... I'm awesome. Yeah me!

Hehehehe... . I got a new toy!! Blogger has this new thing called "Hello" which allows you to upload pics to your blog! That's so cool!!! Now I can add pics to my Obsessions blog when I get them and add new fotos to this main blog.... it's awesome! Before, you hadda have a paid account to add pics, but not anymore! Hurray!!! Blogger is the best!

My chibi. This is my boyfriend, Brian at a friend's wedding 02/14/2004 

Me! Clipped out of recent family foto from July 16, 2004 

Ok, for starters, yeah me for recruiting another fascinating and interesting individual to fill the vapid webspace with amazing musings and daily repetoire actually worthy of my time to read. Hallelujah!

My dear friend, Frankie (SanzoShuichi) has blessed the world with another B-E-A-utifull blog & I'm so veryvery proud!

Second, hurray for me again bcoz I finally got all my Sims DLs organized... now, this may not seem like a very big deal, except to those who know me and my SImObsession far too well and are so sick of hearing about it, poor li'l things... Anyhow! I got all the blessed DLs organized & now I can go play the Sims w/o having fits trying to find things & they're all int he wrong place... Do you have any clue how hard it is to find a particular thing or figure out where it might be when you have over 2000 DL'ed objects, not counting however many are already included in the game?!??!?! (I also send much love to TalYukiHakkai for loaning me all the loverly ex packs for my game since she can't play right now!)


And on a completely other note - Monday, Auguste 9th will be 1 whole year anniv. for me and my most beloved chibi, Brian. He is the centre of my whole world and the thing that drags me thru the lousiest of days. The other day I professed my concern that his evil mother moving back from Ohio would ruin all the work we've done to build up our relationship & I might lose him. He said "I have my own life now with you and my own family and I have you and that's all that matters." That made me cry. I'm all that matters to someone... I've spent mosta my life wondering if I mattered at all.....

I knew I wasn't getting Hiro on this one, kids. Yeah, I'm sposeta be Hiro, but that's coz I'm the loyal-to-the-death best friend & I've got great hair. LOL



You are Shuiichi.
silly. childish. a dreamer

You are Shuiichi, the incredibly childish singer of
Bad Luck.
You have always wanted to be like your idol
'Ryuiichi Sakuma'.
You are clingy, obsessive, and a cry baby. But you
love everyone
around you, including your coldhearted boyfriend.
You are not one
to carry deep scars. You always heal, and carry on
life with a
happy face.


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