OMG!! *SQUEE* Finally got to watch the American Idol performances & not just the results show for once! *thud* How amazing was Constantine?!?!? Sex on a stik!! Anwar was great doing "September", but that performance leaves no doubt this boy is soo way gay! He was fab, tho, just like a one-man party all over the stage- love it! God, Anthony... could that song have BEEN more perfect for him.. and just watching him shake his li'l booty all over the stage... *dies* FOR THE LOVE OF GODDDD!! BO! OMG! "Vehicle" has never been so sexy... *passes out thinking about AI boys* Really, everybody was great.. except maybe Carrie. What look was she going for exactly?!!?! That hair was so 80s... poor Oklahoma girl, it's not her fauly.. I don't imagine they get alotta 70s dance exposure in OK..  

More Anwar!! Yummy!! 

Birthday Spam!!

Posted birthday spams for Sean Bean & Watari (from Yami no Matsuei) on Obsessions! I love my Picasa & my Hello!!

*SQUASH*

It figures. I finally get up the courage to make the biggest move of my life (even if for most people it's not that far) and it falls out from under me. They just got Mike's taxes figured up & it turns out he owes over $300... plus like 300 from last year that they may start garnishing his wages for... I don't understand everything perfectly, but I get the general idea. All their spare money is gonna go to paying his fucking debt to the IRS off & there's no chance of moving in any time soon.. Plus, apparently, they couldn't find any decent houses for us to all rent anyway that weren't in the ghetto. Fuck it. WHy did I think anything would work for me?!?!? Not like anything ever does... Fine. I'll start trying to save my & Brian's $$$ & we'll find some place here in town to move, then I'll find another job before I go postal at Fountainview & start picking off CNAs with the laundry cart.

Brian's napping right now. I just got the e from Dani trying to explain all of this.... I really don't wanna tell him. He was really looking forward to getting out of here, out of LP.. we both were... And he was so excited about living by Larry... Dammit. There goes my day.

The Beast

You scored as The Beast. Your alter ego is The Beast! But that is only a name... you are kind hearted and sweet, people just misunderstand you. The Beast 88% Peter Pan 88% Goofy 75% Cruella De Ville 75% Ariel 75% Sleeping Beauty 75% Donald Duck 69% Cinderella 50% Snow White 44% Pinocchio 38% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

Jeff Foxworthy's Take On Indiana

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Indiana.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Indiana.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Indiana.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Indiana.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Indiana.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Indiana.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Indiana.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Indiana.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Indiana.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE INDIANA RESIDENT WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-74 (or I-70) for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. (Or a deer hit them)

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events- including weddings.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both of them unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

14. Down South to you means Kentucky.

15. A brat is something you eat.

16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday.

18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Indiana friends.

I am a new soul...

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I got the rest... but I'm not sure about the "tough" part...

TABITHA
T	is for	Tough
A	is for	Articulate
B	is for	Brilliant
I	is for	Innocent
T	is for	Thoughtful
H	is for	Honest
A	is for	Amorous

What Does Your Name Mean?

Type A Personality

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

splodges

So one of the girls on my Postcard Fairies has this cute little blog called splodges where she puts up her sketches, paintings, poetry & thus.. It's spiff.

Major life-changing decisions...

This is my scared face =_=

I've made a very significant decision today, and I'm hoping it's the right one.. for me.. and Brian. My two (and only remaining) friends have been talking at me for years now to move to Mishawaka where they live &, specifically, trying to get me to move in with them. Well, they brought it up today at just the right moment.. and I agreed. We talked excitedly and made plans for what kinda house & all the things we can do... then they hadda go back home & they dropped me off at my mother's. No, of course I didn't tell her my plans.. are you mental ?!?!? O_o She'd have kittens! See, all afternoon now I've been stressing (had an awful night at "family night" anyhow, but that's norm anymore) about the decision... Was I right? Should I have thought about it? Will our houses really work well together in one house? Why am I stressing?!?!??!

See, we've all co-habitated twice before at an apt. I used to have.. and both times it ended badly. But we were all also very dif't people at the time & I had a bf at the time who wasn't who I thought he was & didn't really get along with them... but Brian's here now & he likes them & they adore him so everything should be ok, right....? Plus, our friendships with each other are much closer than I think they were back then... But I'm still stressing out *wigs & runs around flailing arms wildly* I'm not positive what I'm afraid of... well, that's kind of a lie.. I'm kind of afraid of one person or another insisting on control of things.. things going badly.. horrible ruination of friendships for all of eternity... but really there's no reason to fear all that stuff... *believes she is being very Tohru-esque just now*

So, I guess I just need some manner of confirmation.. on this issue... some assurance that everything will turn out ok in the end.. all live happily ever after, etc.. What I can't get is why was I so sure this afternoon and now I'm worrying my fluffy li'l damn head off....

M0m's having a "psychic party" on Friday at her house.. maybe I'll scrape the $30 up & see if this lady has any advice.. maybe I'll just stop fucking worrying over what seemed like a great idea earlier.. I've always been a very spontaneous and instinctual person.. but lately I'm out-thinking and over-thinking and over-disecting everything.... This is part of where the suggestion came from. I've been very un-happy with myself lately - usually I'm a very happy, optimistic, upbeat person and recently I've become this irritated, pessimistic, sarcastic creature I don't really recognise & can't stand. And Yuki & Kyou thought it might really help me, and my chibi, if we moved away to a fresh atmosphere and me a new and better (happier) job. It just all sounded so simple & such the perfect solution this afternoon... happy little "nakama" commune artist home family fantastic thingy & it will be wonderfull... so why am I suddenly freakin' out?

That's right.. because I'm Tohru. I think I'll go make rice balls.

Slaving away at "The Embracing"

... which would be the name of the novel I'm writing, for those who dunno. I've started this book at least three other times & everytime I had a great start then it went dead. When I started it this last time again (thanks to encouragement from Tal x Thorn *bows*) I started into a new part of it & realised it was the same story I'd been writing before.. the other 2 I'd begun with got stuck because they were different parts of the same story *DOH!* So, I've been working it at a couple weeks now & have ripped the pages out & started from another direction at least 4 times ;_; but I think I've got the right starting point now.. unfortunately I'm stuck at this one spot & I've been here for a few days now... it's making me nuts..... ack!!

Bad, Bad blogger....

Methinks my bloggy is publishing me for being neglectful.. It's been ever-so-long since I posted anything, but it's nothing personal... I haven't been doing much of anything... I haven't worked on anything, I've taken hiatus from webmistressing, I hate everyone on my messenger, I want to set fire to all my art projects.. I have no inspiration. My body & mind are filled with illness. I am un-well.

On top of my already marvelous mood (*ack*) I found out yesterday, as soon as I got to work, that Amber is dead. Amber who was the other night girl (not really a girl, one supposes.. she was 51.. I had no idea she was that old!). Sherri got worried when she never showed up for work on Thursday night, which is much un-like Amber. So she went to her apt. but no answer. She got a hold of Peggy (friend & co-worker who also lives near Amber). Peggy called Maintenance men who went into the apt. & when Sherri tried to get hold of things again, she found out the ambulance & police were there. Couple detectives came by work later to tell Sherri & Joe (prick boss) that Amber had died. She's been dead since Monday night.. and nobody noticed. Nobody had wondered where she was.. No one had come to see her... What a sad little life...... and her "family" isn't even giving her a decent memorial. Just a simple graveside service (translation- they don't care & don't think anyone else does either enough to bother having a memorial). Fuckers.

I loathe.

Saiyuki Psychoanalysis by WildeLamassu
Username
Is a cigar just a cigar?
Tell me about your mother.
Your Id	Lirin
Your Ego	Gojyo's One-Night Stand
Your Superego	Kougaiji
Your Oral Fixation	Yaone
Your Talking Cure	Hakuryuu
Your Dream Symbol (Snake)	Kanzeon
Your Psychiatrist	Gyuumaou
Number of Sessions	58
You Now Owe	$850,784
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Is the week over yet?! T_T

We got yet another boss at work... this one is Joe... yes, we already had one Joe, but this one isn't nearly as uptight.... He's kind of a cross between Shane & Justin, which isn't so much a good thing... Now, I was getting along with this Joe fairly well.. I was even half-suspecting he was flirting with me... then he heard me talking to Chris about my interviewing for the Activities Assistant job - which would be nice b/c it's still at the same facility, more hours, full time with benefits & all at $8/hour... so, Joe hears me mentioning this to Chris & he starts acting ????s & the last couple days he's just been a little prick, making me wanna stick a fork between his eyes.... >_<

And we got these new chemicals at work.. they feed directly into the water system for the washing machines.... the stuff is made of oxygen... but the smell it gives off... it doesn't really smell bad, but the scent is so strong I had a headache all day long at work today.. and I can hardly stand to sort the barrels coz the whole room smells so strong... and the clothes coming outta the washers just choke me... my throat is still killing me & I got off work at 3:30 this afternoon....

I need to go to bed & maybe it'll be better tomorrow... wait, I work with Anna this weekend. O.o Nevermind, then... no hope of it getting any better.......

Not in Our Name

"No election, whether fair or fraudulent, can legitimize criminal wars on foreign countries,

torture, the wholesale violation of human rights, and the end of science and reason."



Over the next week, the Not In Our Name statement will carry out an audacious project to puncture

the whole shameful celebration of war, greed, and intolerance that will surround the second

inauguration of the Bush regime.



Our aim is to publish across the nation a NEW statement of conscience (text below), signed by this

nation's recognized voices of conscience. Bush does not speak for us. He does not represent us. He

does not act in our name. And the whole world needs to hear that.



We want this statement to ring throughout all forms of media, and reach every part of the country.

In this country, free speech is very expensive. But think what a difference it will make if tens

of thousands of us contribute, and a few who are able contribute tens of thousands.



We have but four days left to raise the necessary funds. If you would like to see this statement

in the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, San Francisco Chronicle and many others

large and small, then you need to go to Not In Our Name statement web site at www.nion.us, sign this

statement, and make your on-line contribution.



Together we can make this happen!



* * *



Not In Our Name



George W. Bush is about to be inaugurated for a second term as President of the United States. Let

it not be said that the people in the United States silently acquiesced in the face of this

shameful coronation of war, greed, and intolerance. He does not speak for us. He does not represent us.

He does not act in our name.



No election, whether fair or fraudulent, can legitimize criminal wars on foreign countries,

torture, the wholesale violation of human rights, and the end of science and reason.



In our name, the Bush government claims to justify the invasion and occupation of Iraq on baldly

false pretenses, raining down unspeakable destruction, horror, misery and death to as many as

100,000 people. It destroys entire cities in the name of so-called democratic elections, while

intimidating and disenfranchising tens of thousands of African-American voters at home. It holds an entire

nation hostage, forcing on its people torture, hunger, and unimaginable privation and humiliation.



In our name, it holds in contempt both international law and world opinion. It has carried out

torture and detentions without trial all over the world and proposes new assaults on our rights of

privacy, speech and assembly. It has already stripped the rights of Arabs, Muslims and South Asians

in the US, denying them legal counsel, holding them without cause, stigmatizing, and deporting

tens of thousands.



Could we have imagined a few years ago that core principles such as the separation of church and

state, due process, presumption of innocence, freedom of speech, and habeas corpus would be

discarded so easily? But under this government anyone can be declared an "enemy combatant" by

Presidential decree with no meaningful redress or independent review, by a President whose rationale for

concentrating power in the executive branch is "trust me." Its choice for Attorney General is the

legal architect of torture from Guantanamo to Afghanistan to Abu Ghraib.



As terrifying "trial balloons" are floated about invasions of Syria, or Iran, or North Korea,

about leaving the United Nations, about new "lifetime detention" policies, there is no telling what

further crimes this government will commit in our name against nations or individuals deemed to

stand in the way of its goal of unquestioned world supremacy.



The Bush government seeks to impose a narrow, intolerant, and political form of Christian

Fundamentalism as government policy. We must face the fact that this extremist movement is no longer on

the margins of society. It aims to strip women of their reproductive rights, to drive gay people

from public life back into the closet. It seeks to drive a wedge between spiritual experience and

scientific truth, smugly denying thousands of years of human scientific achievement.



We believe all people must be free to find meaning and sustenance in whatever form of religious or

spiritual belief they choose. But we will not surrender our right to think to extremists and the

President in whom they have their strongest ally. The Grand Canyon was not created by a biblical

flood. Women are not human incubators. Breast cancer is not retribution for having an abortion. AIDS

is not a punishment from God. Evolution happened. Religion can never be compulsory. This

government may claim to make its own reality, but we will not allow it to make ours.



Millions of us worked, talked, marched, poll watched, contributed, voted, did everything we could

to defeat the Bush regime in the last election. It was a massive effort, bringing forth new

energy, new organization, and new commitment to struggle for justice. It would be a terrible mistake to

let our failure to stop Bush in this way lead to despair and inaction. On the contrary, this broad

mobilization of people committed to a fairer world, a freer world, a more peaceful world must move

forward. We cannot, we will not, wait until 2008. The fight against the second Bush regime has to

start now.



The movement against the war in Vietnam never won a presidential election. But it blocked troop

trains, closed induction centers, marched, spoke to people door to door -- and it helped to stop a

war. The Civil Rights Movement never tied its star to a presidential candidate; it sat in, freedom

rode, fought legal battles, filled jailhouses -- and it changed the face of a nation.



We must change the political reality of this country by mobilizing the tens of millions who know

in their heads and hearts that the Bush regime's "reality" is nothing but a nightmare for humanity.

This will require courage and creativity, mass actions and individual moments of courage. We must

come together whenever we can, and we must act alone whenever we have to. This will require

extraordinary acts from ordinary people.



We give our love and support to the soldiers who have refused to fight in this immoral war, and we

pledge to create community that backs courageous acts of resistance. We applaud the librarians who

have refused to turn over lists of our reading, the high school students who demand to be taught

evolution, those who brought to light torture by the U.S. military, and the massive protests that

voiced international opposition to the war on Iraq. We stand with the tens of millions of people

throughout the world who fight every day for the right to create their own future.



It is our duty to stop the Bush regime from carrying out this disastrous course. We believe

history will judge us sharply should we fail to act decisively.





Among the initial signers are:



Janet Abu-Lughod, professor emerita, New School



Michael Albert



Edward Asner



Michael Avery, president, National Lawyers Guild



Rosalyn Baxandall, chair, American Studies/Media and Communications, State University of New York

at Old Westbury



William Blum, author, US foreign policy



Judith Butler, author and professor, University of California at Berkeley



Daniel Ellsberg, former Defense and State Department official



Jorie Graham, Harvard University



Abdeen M. Jabara, past president, American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee



C. Clark Kissinger, Refuse & Resist!



Staughton Lynd



Reynaldo F. Mac¡as, chair, National Association for Chicana & Chicano Studies



Robin Morgan, author and activist



Jill Nelson, writer



Rosalind Petchesky, Distinguished Professor of Political Science, Hunter College & the Graduate

Center - CUNY



Jeremy Pikser, screenwriter (Bulworth)



Michael Ratner, president, Center for Constitutional Rights



Matthew Rothschild, editor, The Progressive magazine



Luc Sante, writer



Naomi Wallace



Howard Zinn, historian



* * *



You may sign this statement at http://www.nion.us/READ_AND_SIGN.htm. You may also e-mail your

name, how you would like to be identified and your state of residence to sign@nion.us. (Personal

contact information will not be shared or utilized for any other purpose.)

Movie Review: Phantom of the Opera

OMG! It was positively riveting... This was a strange & wonderfull experience for me because I had to watch a taped version of the play in choir (which I believe not was not the ALW version- wHat WaS tHaT TeaChER tHiNKinG?!?!?!?) & I really didn't care for it at all, so for all these years the magic of the Phantom has been lost on me..... ;_; But I went West with my very dear friends yesterday to see it and was completely struck by it.... before we watched the movie we'd discussed catching a double feature since I so rarely get to the movies, but afterwards I had to say that would have been unfair to any other movie we may have seen... I don't know what could hold it's own against that...

Gerard Butler was seductive genius as the Phantom.. sexy, painful, tortured, beloved... enrapturing entirely... The girl who played Christine is someone I've never seen, as was the actor who played Raoul, but both were fantastic! The singing, the emotion, the pain.... many actresses cannot believably convince you of the tangle & confusion of a love like Christine has for these two men... but she was just splendid... Raoul was sweet & beautifull... I could listen to him sing all day.....

There are few movies with a love story like this where you aren't left believing the poor girl made the right or wrong choice between these two men she loved so deeply... but I cannot fault her for choosing Raoul, but I would have supported her for choosing the Phantom as well... 'Tis truly a tragic love story, as there is no way to be completely happy with either choice... this is a love that will haunt you all your life, no matter what you choose....

So long.....

Gee, aren't I the naughty little non-blogger... shame on me... pity I don't have someone to encourage or inspire me... honestly, with the mood I've been in lately I wouldn't have had anything worth reading anyhow... so it's probly better I don't blog in those sorts of moods...

Proud of me, tho, for finishing a Harry/Ron Yule fanart I drew as a gift for Dani, my very dearest bestest ever friend.... since she kept complaining Harry/Ron fanarts were impossible to find.. now if I can just get her to scan it so I can share it with the webbyworld..... >_<

Sitting here eating Xmas cookies my momma made me & wishing I had a car or the weather wasn't so lousy so that my beloved friends could come visit... or I could go visit them... man, what a month we've had round herre.. Had the power & heat shut off by the minions of Satan (otherwise known as NIPSCO) & the van finally went too far (or wouldn't go anywhere) & we scrapped it... some dude is buying the hunk of crappola for parts.. whatever... so we didn't have a very good Xmas & nobody else had much money so it was a pretty cheapo & crappy Xmas all around.. the kids enjoyed what they got & that's what really matters, right? Right?!?!?!?

Well, actually, we did get the ROTK Extended version hot off the shelves from our fabo friends.. they also gave Brian a gorgeous 43"x31" wallscroll of the girls from Final Fantasy X2 & I got a very pretty poster of the Saiyuki boys (THEY FOUND ONE WITH HOMURA *drool*) which promptly evicted Orlando from the bedroom wall.. and they bought me Gavin DeGraw's CD, so I can listen to "I Don't Wanna Be" a dozen times a day... and I discovered another song of his "Follow Through" that I'd seen a couple times on VH1 & loved! but didn't know it was him who sang it, so now I have that too.... I guess Xmas wasn't a total loss.. my parents tried very hard & my sister bought me stuff which might make me cooler- that's her thing, that's what she does... but that's ok. I got to spend the holiday with Brian & my family & that's what really matters to me. I got to watch the kids jumpin around going insane over every thing they opened...

Thank god Xmas is over.


I'm beating myself about the head with a stick trying to finish one last gift. It's an art project (of sorts) that I'm working on for a friend & I've been having just the worst time with it.. I can't seem to dredge up the happy inspiration to work on it thru the heinous mood & sinking depressiong I've been fighting with lately..... If you're reading this, I swear I will finish it... it's coming.. really.........

Issues...

whatever is the matter with me lately.. grant you, I've been thru a seriously lousy, scrappy bit of time & space the last month or so what with losing power & heat for a week then losing our van... now I hafta walk... see what I mean... all I seem to wanna do is be angry, irritated, spiteful & ranty. Frankly, I'm getting quite sick of myself... and I know it's taking a toll on Brian, bless him...

I just dunno what to do with myself, how to climb back outta my dark, chasmic bleak little cave of cranky....

Friends make a bad day better

Brian called me at work earlier today & I told him what a lousy day I'd been having.. so I said I'd like him to stay home with me tonite rather than running off to play at a friend's house.. and, of course, he agreed.

I'd been off work just a couple minutes when Dani & Frankie showed up (not really un-announced b/c they had written me an offline message saying they were coming - I just hadn't been on the compy to see this message ^_^) So here they are, just when I needed something to brighten my day.. funny how friends just know sometimes when they're needed...