1st Day of Fall!!

I have all this pain inside.... and I can't even cry. I can't cry. I've cried so much... I need to. I need something to release, to let out what I feel, but there's nothing. The tears don't come anymore. The pain just just sits in my chest like a big black lump, heave and dead.
I though I'd patched things up with Ty, but apparently I was right (when will I ever learn to listen to my instincts!!!) right to think that the Universe was trying to keep me from going to see her. Fuck. We were fine. We had a great time hanging out the one night... then I come home this morning (the day didn't start out well - I was in the middle of washing my hair when the little man turned the water off & I hadda go to Mom's to rinse out my hair & borrow the $80 to get it turned back on). But so I came home from that & Brian says she droppes off a letter. I read it. She read the email I sent in reply to Charity's and no longer wants to be my friend. She's angry for what I said about Julie and I'm not sure what else.... she wasn't very clear. Just saying I am not "honest" as I claim to be. That I have said hurtful things and for no real reason.
Next time I think the Universe is trying to tell me something, I will listen. I'm so tired of the pain....