I think today is going to be a good day..

despite the snow outside.. boy will Mom be irratable at dinner tonite...

Brian went off early this morning to start a job with his friend, Rex, so that will help with bills and Christmas... I am so proud of him sometimes. Yes, he can be quite the pain at times, but there are moments when I am overcome with his sweetness and caring... He sometimes reminds me of a certain Brian from a TV show I like, in that he is often harsh or rough around the edges and at times doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself (sometimes not even himself), but if you come to know him and love him you begin to understand he loves you back in his own time and in his own "Brian" way.

Yesterday I drove to Mishawaka to visit my only friends (how I wished they lived closer... and I could see them everyday).. I took a wrong turn at my exit and ended up hopelessly lost and in the wrong towne... Goddess bless the girl at the 7-11 who gave me very simple and easy directions to get back to where I was sposeta be... When I finally arrived, a bit frazzled from the trip, but happy to see my dear friends, we watched cartoons (we're such grownups LOL) then went out to "Thanksgiving" dinner at the Cracker Barrell. Since we will not be able to spend the holiday together, they took me out to dinner so our little family could have our own holiday. When they asked me after dinner what was I thankful for, I didn't even really hafta think before I said "Family and friends, and a happy home." It's funny, Mike was there and they pointed out to him that when they'd asked him he'd said he couldn't say that because it was "cheesy and stupid", I guess because that's what people on sitcoms, etc. always say on their Thanksgiving episode, but how could it be cheesy and stupid if it's the honest truth. For the first time in my life I am free of any false friendships which pin me into a little persona and people who don't truly understand me.. I am in love and can look forward to really spending the rest of my life with someone who loves me back just as much, and I am so thankfull for both.

To the outside world, Brian may seem difficult, and I suppose he is, but I have had to many false lovers and broken hearts in my life... I loved Brian from our first date because he was himself. He never pretended to be a knight in shining armour or Mr. Wonderfull, or my fantasy guy or any of that. He was just Brian, faults and all, and that's exactly what I was looking for. From day one, he has been c0mpletely himself, and I have had the freedom, for the first time ever in any relationship, to be just me. We don't have to pretend to like what the other likes, but we listen and pay attention when the other talks about it - him and his music, video games, magic cards & I will try to be interested in what he's showing me and be excited for him when he defeats that bad guy I've heard him cursing and screaming at in the other room for the last 2 days; me with my stupid cute-boy obsessions, interior decorating, scrapbooks and he lets me hang posters of Orlando Bloom on our bedroom walls, re-decorate the house with all my stupid girly stuff and bright colours, and he'll drive me to the recycling centre for more magazines and never spoil my happy craziness as I cut them up and leave paper shreds everywhere... Never once has he said "Don't you have enough of that crap?!" And I could not love him more, but yet I do everyday. To outsiders, it may seem he's spoiled because he's always got new Magic cards or a new video game or whatever and he never buys me anything, but if there's something I want, he never says I can't have it. It doesn't seem one-sided to me because I don't really want that much. When I do really want something, I get it, but mostly I just want to be here, in our lousy little apt. with him. That to me is home, and that's all I need. Just him.

And my friends.. some would consider it a lonely life to stay home all the time and only have 2 (3?) friends in world, but these are friends I've known for years, who've watched my change and grow and become someone completely different than I was when they met me and they've been there at every turn to support this new version of me, never questioning my goals or reasons, never raising a hand to hold me back where they thought I was and everything is the same and makes sense. Is it these 2 friends who've opened many experiences to me and helped me to discover new things and new aspects of myself.. It is these 2 friends who will drive an hour from Mishawaka to buy me lunch before I go to work, then drive an hour back home.... when people who I thought were my friends lived in the same towne and couldn't make time for me because of my work schedule. So very true that it is in our actions and not in our deeds that we prove who we truly are...


Yes, outside it is snowing, but for me today, it's like the fluffly frosting on my happy little corner of the world....

A few noticable additions

Hopefully no one is terribly offended by the stoopid ugly banners you see above.. they serve a useful purpose or I wouldn't subject my pretty blog to their ickness.... They are supposed to drive more viewers to my blog and get me more attention.... and I love attention....

There is also a little Site Meter thingy that upsates me on how much traffic my site gets... but if it starts to depress me when I realise I really am the only one who comes here... I may kill it.... lol

..:What's your psychological problem?:..

Apathetic. You my apathetic friend, you should care
more about your life, right?


..:What's your psychological problem?:.. ( Anime Pictures )
brought to you by Quizilla

Thou shalt not kill......

"'We kill at every step, not only in wars, riots, and executions. We kill when we close our eyes to poverty, suffering, and shame. In the same way all disrespect for life, all hard-heartedness, all indifference, all contempt is nothing else than killing. With just a little witty skepticism we can kill a good deal of the future in a young person. Life is waiting everywhere, the future is flowering everywhere, but we only see a small part of it and step on much of it with our feet.'

- Hermann Hesse, German poet and novelist.

Source: Daily Dig"

Victory and defeat

I weep for the world... the election is decided and they handed it to Bush.. I say handed it to him because I seriously doubt that he honestly won this election with as many people as he has dissappointed, offended, enraged, angered.. There's no way that the American people voted an uber-xtian, prejudice, anti-gay, pro-war president back in to run the country...

I shudder to think what will become of our country in his next four years.... and I can think of at least two Americans who'll be looking for apartments in Canada...

Birth

Birth

OMG! The trailer took forever to DL from the site (b/c I have the demonic dial-up) but it was SOOO worth waiting for!! Nicole Kidman just keeps getting better & whoever the kid is, he's gonna be a star!! I'm blown away by the trailer for this one & I WILL NOT miss it when it comes out!!!

starting over......

"One song can spark a moment
One flower can wake a dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile can bring friendship
One hand clasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame a goal
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam can light a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh can conquer doom
One step must start each prayer
One hope will raise spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what's true
One life can make a difference
You see it's up to you!

Author unknown"



I don't remember where I got that, I just know it merits sharing....

Anyways, I've decided that I'm stifled by stoopid Yahoo and their limits on Yahoo Groups. They work well for some things, but I've jsut got too damn many pics and I'm filling them up at warp speed.. so I'm gonna try working on my webpages again for the 1st time in what seems like years... it actually might be.....

We'll see how it goes...

When it rains.. it pours...

serein_03: Holy Crap!!!

the end of the world...

October 13th, 2004

As I leave the hotel in the morning, I buy something to eat on the way and I’m heading to the end of the world.

It is sunny and warm. I take a towel with me - just in case I’ll find a sandy beach to sit on…
The road to the end of the world passes through Finesterre and climbs up and up about 3 km away from the village.

On the way up, on the side of the road, gazing into the sea, hundreds of meters down - I find a girl I met before on the camino.
I join her, and we watch, for a while, the waves breaking onto the rocky shore.

The wind gets stronger, clouds are forming above us, and we choose to continue our climb up to the end of the world. On the way, we look for a path that goes down to the shore.
After a few futile tries to go down some goat’s paths, we find one that leads all the way to a huge rock in the water.
We sit silently on the rock for a long while, gazing into the turquoise water, waving to passing fishermen…

When the wind threaten to blow us into the sea and the rain starts, we climb up again - to the road that leads to the end of the world.

The end of the world turns out to be a huge cliff above the water. There’s no more land beyond it - only water.
On the top of the cliff there’s a big stone cross marking the place where, traditionally, the pilgrims that finish in Finesterre burn their walking shoes and clothes to symbolize getting rid of the past and opening to a new beginning…

I’ve heard about the ritual, but until this moment, I didn’t realize that the place is here.

I brought nothing with me to burn. Not even my green plastic lighter - to light a fire with.

I’ve participated in a few rituals like this in the past (once almost burning my house, when the ritual got too intense…). Each one of these rituals was very powerful, and I am sorry for not preparing myself for this one…

As an answer to my sorry thoughts, the rain gets stronger and the wind blows so strong, I need to hold to a rock, not to fall and roll down…
This, at least, relaxes me a bit. I realize that there’s no way I could light a fire now… so, probably it isn’t my time yet…

Instead, I stand on a rock, watching the endless sea below me, letting my hair go, and asking the wind and the rain to purify me.

I don’t know for how long I stand like this, but when I wake up from my trance - I am so cold, I can hardly move, and my hair is so messy I can hardly see.

We go down, back to Finesterre and the sky gives everything it has. It is pouring rain. The wind matures to a storm. I’m so happy again. I spread my arms, looking up to the sky, letting the rain and the wind do what they have to do…

When we get to the village we’re looking for an open café to have a cup of hot chocolate. But, it’s siësta time and everything is closed.

After a hot bath in my room, I fall asleep for a while.

When I wake up I think of going back tomorrow to the end of the world and burn what I need to burn…

I’m thinking - what is it that I need to get rid of, to transform, to change… so I can burn tomorrow a symbol of it…
As hard as I try, I can’t find anything worth getting rid of…
Stubbornly, I keep looking, when a phone rings inside my mind…

“WHAT?", I bark on the disturbing caller.
“What if there is nothing to change?", asks the voice on the other side.
“Who are you?", I ask angrily the voice.
“God", he answers.
“So what do you want?", I’m still pissed off.
“What if there’s noting to change?", God asks again.
“Of course there is!", I answer.
There’s silence on the other side.
“I’m working consciously on transforming myself for the last 20 years. I’m preaching about transformation for almost as many years. And believe me, even after all these years - there’s still a lot to do…", I continue.
“What if there’s nothing to change?", God asks again. This time, something in his tone of voice catches my attention.
“Then what is the purpose of my life?", I ask.
“What is the purpose of a tree?", asks God back.
“To grow", I answer, trying hard not to listen to my own words…
“And when it is already big, what is its purpose then?", asks God patiently.
“To grow", I answer again…
“And where does the tree grows to?", asks God.
“To the light!", I answer, as a soft, big sun rises up in my consciousness…

I, suddenly, feel peaceful and calm, as I never felt before.
There are no more questions in me.
There is no need for an answer.
When I remember to thank God for this conversation, there is no one on the other side.
I guess he had another call to attend to…

An old pilgrim told me a few weeks ago, “it’s not why you do the camino, but what for. And you’ll know the answer when you’ve arrived.”

Well, I had to go to the end of the world to realize that my purpose in life is not to change or transform, but to grow towards the light. Like a tree…

It’s time to become more like a tree.

A tree doesn’t try to become an animal or a rock, not even another sort of tree.
A tree is just there. With its strength, its shade, its fruits…
A tree doesn’t run after anyone to convince them to rest in its shade or eat from its fruits. Yet it is always there - for those who wish to enjoy its shade and fruits.

It’s time to become more like the tree that is patience and wise. Knowing that after the winter, comes always the spring. And after the fall, there are new leaves, then flowers, then fruits, and then the fall again…

More like the tree that is determined - digging its roots deeper and deeper into the nourishing earth. Keeps growing towards the light… keeps growing…

Only later I realize that this understanding was there all the time during the camino. Yet somehow, I missed it till now…

So many times, the question “what if there is no need to change?” popped up again and again in my mind. And I ignored it or shoved it aside.

And my daily intention “open my heart", which kept on popping up, although it didn’t fit what I thought was “appropriate"… That’s the being of a tree. It isn’t pushing anyone, nor running after anyone, convincing them to sit in its shade or eating its fruits. Yet, it is there open hearted, unconditionally giving anyone who comes its shade and fruits… Open my heart…

I see my words and books as my fruits… I still wonder what is my shade, what is this presence I have or still need to grow…
Time would tell…

I feel quiet now. At peace.
Like a tree…

…

In one of the first days of my camino, a priest in one of the churches asked me where did I start and how long am I going to walk to Santiago…
I answered that I’ve started a few days ago in St. Jean Pied de Port and I have about 40 days to complete my camino.

He said, “Jesus walked in the desert for 40 days… it’s a good number.”

“I hope it won’t take me that long.", I answered.

As I finish my dinner and walk along the small harbor, on the way back to my hotel room, I realize… today is the 13th of October - my 40th day on the camino…

No coincidence really…

Motivation2Go Blog


***********

I am always amazed when I read this man's journal.. sad to think it may end.. I am hoping, praying he will continue to speak even tho the journey that made the journal has ended.

Silly me...

It's been quite a while since I've blogged... bad Tabby!! Great, now I have guilt... lol... I guess there just hasn't been all that much going on in my world lately... Since I switched to day shift, I have so much time off I've just been kinda enjoying the extra time and vegging out a bit.. I have been working on a few things... I got the cover for the Schwoopie calendar inked.. now to colour it. I've been working on my daybook & fighting with the scanner. The pages scan pretty lousy because it's a pre-bound sketchbook type book that I made it in, so I'm gonna hafta redraw the pictures for the pages and then scan them & colour them with the paint program, but that's ok.. Gives me more to do (just what I needed!).... And I'm typing my BOS into my compy, so I can get things more organised in it... which is buffering my spirituality issues. Recording my pages and info I've saved is a slow way of easing back into the magick, since I've been neglecting (avoiding?) it for so long... bad Tabby, I know! But that' s why I'm starting slow...

What the teenagers know.....

It seems so odd... when you come over things never go the way we hope... but then, if you think about it.. maybe we're trying too hard... I think so, yes, I think the two of you (and you know I adore you both) try to hard to have to do something when you come over.. like you need to entertain me... like just you isn't enough, just your loving-friend presence isn't enough, like I'll think you're boring or no fun if we just hang out and talk or listen to music & art around the house... But all that means so much .... I dunno if I can explain.. I don't need to be entertained.. don't need you to be or do anything when you come to my house... You came to my house! You drove an hour in crappy traffic, construction & total blithering idiots all around you just to spend time with me... That means so much.. You took the time to come see me when you coulda just stayed home in your comfy little arthouse & done your own thing...you made room in your day for me...

And you presence is enough.. your presence means so much... Dani more than anyone should know that... (if she still remembers the me she met so long ago...) The most meaningfull thing to me is spending time with people I love, even if we're both just sitting in the same room... even if we barely say 3 whole sentences to each other...

I think so many people forget how important just the simplest contact with the rest of the world, but especially with people who love you, can mean.... Everyone seems set on having to do something.. no one just hangs out anymore... no one knows how to just spend time in one another's presence....

The world could do well to learn this one simple lesson from the throngs of slacker teenagers, sitting around together just hanging out & doing nothing.. and that's all they need.


All my love to you!!

8 Ways To Maintain A Positive Attitude

1. Become mindful of your thoughts and let them occur without judgment. As

you recognize self-limiting beliefs and feelings, eliminate them by focusing

on positive thoughts about the present and future.



2. The author Charles Dickens advised, "Reflect upon your present blessings,

of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men

have some." Don't brood over mistakes, carry grudges, or harbor hate.



My, My.. how much happier and more fulfilled life would seem if we transferred the time we

spend on "woulda, coulda, shouldas" to thinking about how many good things we have going

for us right now & how much we truly have....



3. Worrying is a wasted effort and the breeding ground of doubt. It will

lead you to contemplate potential losses rather than effective solutions. The

antidote to worry is positive action.



4. Adversity comes to each of us in time. Expecting rather than dreading

this adversity can make challenging periods seem less daunting and will allow you

to accept that you possess the strength to conquer each obstacle as you have

conquered obstacles in your past.



5. Assume that hidden in every setback there is a lesson. Consciously choose

to think of the challenges you face in a positive way: as a learning

experience, an opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, or the first step

on a new path.



6. Think about what you desire, not what you fear. Visualize future

successes with the belief that you will achieve them, and then take action. When you

are working diligently toward a goal, there will not be time to ponder the

obstacles.



7. When negative thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm you, take a

"time out" and do something that makes you happy. Letting yourself be swept

away in a favorite activity or meditation will inspire well-being.



What is the one thing you can always count on to cheer you up...?  Hold it close to your heart

when things look their bleakest.. then take that happy thing and immerse yourself in its joy.

Use it to drown the little negative monster till you can't hear its endless chattering.



8. Be confident that no matter what adversity you face, you will be strong

enough to remain positive and optimistic. Knowing that there is no obstacle

you cannot overcome will give you that strength.

Y'know, I hardly know what to do with myself with all this extra time now that I'm working days.... I can spend so much more time with Brian, which I'm definitely enjoying... and now I'm not such an evil greedy girlfriend needing him to be home all the time.. See, when I was working nights, I felt like I never say him, so I got very upset and depressed when he wanted to go off and play with his friends, but now that I have more time with him, I don't mind so much.. ^_^

I have more time to do all the things that need done around the house, but I haven't had much energy lately to do them.. I'll build it back up soon, I'm sure!!^_~

And also, I have time to just enjoy sitting around the house listening to musick and working on art projects much procrastinated upon... HURRAY!!

What are you feeding?

An old Indian told his grandson about the fight that was going on in his inside.
“Son, it is a fight between two wolfs. One is called anger, jealousy, regret, arrogance, self pity, doubt, lying en egoism. The other one is called joy, peace, love, hope, rest, humility, friendliness, truth and loyalty."
The grandson asks, “... and grandfather, who is going to win?”
And the old Indian answers, “The wolf that I feed."

Do Something!

You might not like this…

September 23rd, 2004

It’s 4 AM. I’m awake and talking to you.

Whenever I get the chance I read the comments posted by those who read this page.
I never responded before, but there’s something I need to share with you…

There’s a purpose for me going through the trouble of sharing myself with you in this very intense journey for me.

• I don’t write this page to pump up my ego. I enjoy reading your comments about your appreciation and love, but this is not my purpose.
• I don’t write this page to give you an intellectual or emotional entertainment.
• I don’t write this page to give you something to talk about.

I don’t care if you like what I write or you hate it or it bores you to death. I don’t care if you think I’m a great person or an ass hole.

I go through the trouble of looking everyday for an Internet café, so you can have a fresh and alive thought or insight, hoping with all my heart that something I write would move you to act.

I don’t care if my words touches you or move you to tears. My only purpose is that my words would move you to act.

I’m trying to give you a sense of the camino without the blisters and the bee stings. But you still need to walk your walk - have your own personal blisters, experience your own personal sunshines.

This is not a sophisticated gossip column or an ongoing paparazzi story.

When conceiving this page, I was looking for a new way to bring people to more awareness of their own life, moving them to take action in their own life, creating a better life for themselves and others.

And yet, it seems… that people still read about…

Knowing I lost many of my readers already, I’m risking loosing some more…
Hey, how about taking something from what you read. Something that feels right. And instead of nodding in agreement… go and do something about it.

Do you realize that you can TODAY meet a total stranger, that even speak a different language than yours, and open your heart to him or her…? Don’t think so? How about your teenage kid? How about your parents? Did you ever asked them what their dreams are? What their vision is? What are their fears? And did you ever sit to listen? Did you ever shared yours?

How about today?

I’d love to hear these stories in the comments!

How about knocking on your neighbor door, right now, asking if there’s anything you can do to make their day a better day?

When you see their surprised/shocked experience explain them it’s “happy neighbor day"!

If you find anything in my words that inspires you - go and do it.

When I read 15 years ago in Richard Bach’s book Illusions, “Live never to be ashamed if anything you say or do is published around the world, even if what is said is not true. ” and that day I stopped lying.

As soon as I finished reading Paulo Coelho’s, “the Alchemist” - I developed a new training - “the Flow".

After I gave my first One Experience training I asked my old teacher what should I study now. He said, “stop studying and start teaching, writing, spreading the word…” Since that day I never stopped writing…

I’m nobody special. I eat and shit and fuck just like you. I smell like hell after walking all day. And after a shower and a long rest, I can be really friendly and fun to be with…

Just like you…

Looking forward to hear about YOU…

With all my love, Nisandeh

******

I could not begin to explain what I'm gathering from this man's journey..... I found this site from a newsletter, one of so many I receive, and I've sat here this morning reading every entry.... I chose to share this one with you, in particular, because it says soemthing I think is so important. It reminds us that this man is an ordinary, everyday person, just like you or me. You don't have to be some unreachable, untouchable hand of the divine to teach, to have meaning, to inspire. You, me, anyone can be a leader. ANyone can make a difference in their own way.. and you should. No one has a reason to do nothing. Even the smallest, most invisible, disabled creature can effect the course of the universe...

Be Something!

Tabitha )O(

the answer

// The evening is an interesting experience with a bubbly girl from Uruguay. She told me about the lion in all the templar churches. Its role is to keep a secret. And he looks to the direction of the secret it is keeping. Usually it looks to a place on the wall or in the ceiling.
In the last church I visited, the lion was looking straight at me…
Now I got the message where to start looking…

I told an old Brazilian pilgrim, that is walking the camino for the fourth time, about my question “why walk?” and he answered, “The question is not ‘why?’The question is ‘what for?’and the answer to this question you always find at the end…”

And with this happy note, I suggest you think about it…
Because it’s not only about the camino… //

taken from the Motivation2Go weblog, where Nisandeh is documenting his pilgrimage

Interesing.... people think you must have a reason to make such sacred journeys over many many miles, but even someone who is doesn't know really why he is.... The old man who's journeying for the fourth time tells him the answer is always at the end... Sometimes you must take the chance without knowing in the beginning what it will get you. It speaks to you.... something makes you take that first step... you have to be willing to walk the path before you without knowing where it will lead you...

What is the point?

It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.

K.T. Jong

***************************

Discovering Your True Self

Many people are on a quest seeking to discover whether God exists, what happens to us after death, and what the purpose of humanity is. Few people, however, are asking the most important question of all: "Who or what am I?" What good are the answers to the other questions if we don't even know who or what we are? Most of us are asleep. We're zombies. We exist, but don't live. We see, but don't watch. We hear, but don't listen. We speak empty words and eat without tasting. We rush on our way without feeling the wind on our face, the sun on our arms, and the grass beneath our feet. Why chase after life-after-death when we ignore life-before-death? Why do we pass through life unaware of the greatest treasure of all, our True Self?

© Chuck Gallozzi

***************************

To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution.

Joe Cordare

***************************

above quotes swiped from newletter
SpiritualSisters of the Internet Cafe
www.spiritualsisters.com

SO many people run to therapists, paying them hundreds of $$ and hour to tell them what's wrong with them... but if you think about it, what so therapists actually do? 1) They prescribe drugs to make it go away. 2) They ask you questions (really no different than a good friend could do) & make you talk about how you feel, etc. etc. & it's really you who figures out in the end where your problem lies, isn't it?

People are always turning to self-help books and psychs wanting them to fix it. They can't. *THWACK* Hello people! You are the only one who can change you! I've read countless self-help books & they can be very helpfull, yes, but not if you think "oh, I'll read this and it will explain everything. It will tell me what's wrong with me & how to quit it & then everything will be perfect..." WRONG!! The way self-help books (BTW: They are called "self-help" books, not "magick fix everything" books!) have helped me is by reading thru things, paying attention to what it's saying, sometimes re-reading them many times, and keeping a journal about what I think & feel while I'm reading the book. They are a tool you can use to help yourself! But they can't do it for you. And neither can some fucking shrink, unless you just want a zombie pill to take 3 times a day so you don't have to feel anything & therefore don't have to deal with anything.

I, myself, have a chemical imbalance. It runs in my family. (I'm just explaining something here, BTW. I hate people who say "Well, it runs in my family, so it's not my fault" and I guess they think that makes it ok to be a total ass because of it- sorry, but NO.) But I can't stand to take pills & such & I've been to a therapist who was useless, completely useless, so I read, I analyze, I pay attention to the world around me & try to be very observant. I learned a very simple, but very effective, lesson from The Dalai Lama's Guide to Happiness: Find the things that make you feel happy & feel good & encourage more of those in your life. Realize the things that make you unhappy, make you feel bad, feel angry or negative, and remove them from your life or, if it's something you can't escape, find a way to lessen it's prominence in your daily environment. It's, as I said, a very simple lesson, but it's amazing how many people just don't think about something like that.... if you are coming in contact with something the always makes you un-happy... stay away from it.... so simple....

Yes, I have bad days.. but I work thru them & do not use my mental problems as a crutch or an excuse not to function or use them as a reason it's ok to be a spaz or a total brat. You can have a normal life & a happy life. You just have to make an actual effort and stop expecting the world to work for you or work around you.

***************************

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Add the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend." Please share this with someone you care about. Have a blessed day!!!

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It's fairly likely you've already read this somewhere, but there are certain things I feel are significant enough in their message so as to merit repeating... And some people have to have something sent about a dozen times or more before they realise "Gee, maybe I should read this..."


It was a busy nite round my house this last one... Brian and I found a couple beautifull chest of drawers the other evening that some schmuck had thrown out & totally trashed. He rebuilt one back as a dresser (which proved to be more handy than I inititially realised, because emptying the olde one caused me to get rid of some things I never wear & reorganize my dressers in a more usefull manner - yeah me!) & it's actually got bout 3 more drawers than I use, so Hallelujah! more storage!! The other dresser he's rebuilding to use as a kitchen hutch with 2 drawers in the bottom & a couple shelves. That ones proving to be more of a problem because the drawers don't go all the way across the inside & he's having trouble making shelves out of them. Anyhow, tho, so we moved the office all around- and I mean all around- last nite after what had already been a very hectic day... We were both very tired & I just managed to get the bed cleared off before I crashed and he still hadda stay up for a bit to hook things up.

So now there's much more space in the office... The recliner's been moved up in the room by the window, so company isn't so far away against the back wall... it's just much better. Hopefully tonite while I'm at work he'll get the hutch finished & we can do the kitchen tonite (man does it need it!!)

1st Day of Fall!!

I have all this pain inside.... and I can't even cry. I can't cry. I've cried so much... I need to. I need something to release, to let out what I feel, but there's nothing. The tears don't come anymore. The pain just just sits in my chest like a big black lump, heave and dead.
I though I'd patched things up with Ty, but apparently I was right (when will I ever learn to listen to my instincts!!!) right to think that the Universe was trying to keep me from going to see her. Fuck. We were fine. We had a great time hanging out the one night... then I come home this morning (the day didn't start out well - I was in the middle of washing my hair when the little man turned the water off & I hadda go to Mom's to rinse out my hair & borrow the $80 to get it turned back on). But so I came home from that & Brian says she droppes off a letter. I read it. She read the email I sent in reply to Charity's and no longer wants to be my friend. She's angry for what I said about Julie and I'm not sure what else.... she wasn't very clear. Just saying I am not "honest" as I claim to be. That I have said hurtful things and for no real reason.
Next time I think the Universe is trying to tell me something, I will listen. I'm so tired of the pain....

This has become one of my favourite songs lately:

I Meant To

by Brad Cotter

Things get in the way
The rush of everyday
Ordinary stuff we all get into
Wouldn't it be sad, if all you ever had
was a granite epitaph that said 'I meant to'


So any pretty woman I didn't take the time to kiss
Any crazy thing I didn't do, 'I meant to'

Any dirty liar I didn't stare right in the eye
and make him tell the naked truth, 'I meant to'

I'm always on the run some things get lost some get done
But if I didn't have all the fun I meant to, 'I meant to'

And if I never came out and said to each and everyone I love, how much I really do, 'I meant to'



Maybe this one chance
Is all we really have
Maybe all you got, is what you get to
Well I ain't gonna cry
I'll give it my best try
Then kiss the world goodbye and say 'I meant to'

So any pretty woman I didn't take the time to kiss
Any crazy thing I didn't do, 'I meant to'

Any dirty liar I didn't stare right in the eye
and make him tell the naked truth, 'I meant to'

I'm always on the run some things get lost some get done
But if I didn't have all the fun I meant to, 'I meant to'

And if I never came out and said to each and everyone I love, how much I really do, 'I meant to'

I meant to
I meant to


I thinks it's just beautifull. Of course, I watched Nashville Star this season, but only because Matt Lindahl caught my eye channel surfing one night. He was my guy, the one I wanted to win, but they treated him like a joke because he was a little more Roger Miller than Tim McGraw and he didn't win ;_; .... It wasn't till I heard "I meant to" on the radio that I even knew who did win (once they voted Matt off I changed the channel). I recognized the song because Brad performed it on the show. Yes, I do feel a little pang of guilt for loving the song because, technically, he's the enemy... but I think Matt would understand....

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Movie Review: The VIllage

The movie (in case you live under a rock) is about a small village of people who live in a clearing surrounded by woods. Their is a fenced border around the town to remind people not to go into the woods because "those we do not speak of" live in the woods. The villagers have a truce between them & the creatures, but suddenly things start to happen....

As soon as I saw the trailer I was already there.. but I didn't get to see it in the theatre.. and then I started hearing mixed reviews. A couple friends said it was really good, others said it "made no sense" and complained that you never even see the monster and the ending's stupid. After watching the movie, here's my view:

The movie does move a little slowly, but there's enough interest and plot to keep me watching. It renewed my enamourment of Joaquin Phoenix (WHY ISN'T HE IN MORE MOVIES??!?!?). His character is very smart & quiet, gentle. But he is also brave in a "for the good of the village" sort of way rather than the beyond human heroes we've been inundated with as of late. Don't get me wrong, I love heroes, but it's nice to have a healthy reminder once in a while that there are also courageous people who do the unbelievable simply because it's what is the right thing to do.... I thought the movie made perfect sense if you payed attention, but the secret really will get you when you discover it... As for the "monster" you do see it & I dunno what the hell he was talking about- not that that really matters to anyone with intelligence... And the ending is not stupid, it leaves you thinking. I, personally like movies like that, but it's a bit much for some people to have to think.. I guess.. It's not the kind of movie you'd really watch more than once, but I'd definitely recommend seeing it. Definitely.

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An update on projects in the works:

I've decided to launch my own business. I will, of course, remain "on staff" at Instant Infamy, but I have other projects I want to work on & other wonderfull things I want to share with the world, so I'm going to start working on some new things, mostly based on my happy & beloved "Shwoopie People". The first project is a wall calendar, which I will be starting soon. Later will come t-shirt designs, notebooks, maybe a day-planner style calendar.... I've got a lot brewing upstairs now that I have a starting point! Stay tuned for more updates...